Life in Technicolor

I have always associated things with colors, but surprisingly enough to me, those color associations are changing. It's kind of weirding me out. It makes me feel like my personality is changing. I mean, I like who I am, but it's weird to think of something like that. Like someone's tastes changing as they get older, liking spicy food as a young adult but starting to hate it at age 43. Like being obsessed with a certain song and one day realizing that song drives you slightly mad. Like starting to realize that you actually loathe someone you thought you loved or love someone you thought you loathed. Perspectives change and I'm fully aware of this, but it's freaky when it actually starts to happen.

The most interesting thing is that I hate the color red, but many of the most important things in my life are associated with that color (And the color brown. I hate brown). Why is that I wonder? Ah well. Most things that I want to do, like writing a book, I associate with the colors green and blue. My favorite colors. Does this mean that I'm getting tired of my life as it is, or just that I'm getting comfortable with it? It's a little upsetting.

I've been trying to move myself towards better colors as time progresses, but thinking like that just makes me feel like a new-age hippy. Ah well. Rock on Dudes! :P

Don't Quit! Not Quite!

So I can't decide if I take things too seriously or if I don't take things seriously enough. I think my problem is both. I only go to extremes.

Things I take too seriously:

-Clayton

Not that I see this as bad or anything. My experiences with Clayton have totally been worth the work I put into them. In fact, I would have missed many opportunities had I not taken it as seriously as I do. However, because of how much I care, when things go poorly or not quite as I expect I get much more upset than I feel I should. Of course, no one but my mom hears me get upset, haha, but it does happen on rare occasions.

-Work

This is a totally acceptable thing. I just put it here because I feel like I have no life outside of work. It's all I have to talk about and that fact annoys me. I enjoy working where I do.

-Relationships

I've never been in one. This is because I feel like I can't get into a casual or fun relationship with someone I'm not serious about. And I'm not serious about anybody. In fact, I have a hard time going past the 2nd date. Ouch. I've had opportunities that I told myself to take a chance on, but I've only ended up offending people and feeling guilty. I've never felt lovesick in the traditional sense. I've felt sick thinking about love, but in a bad way. I care too much about the other person (not feelings for them, but a courteous caring, like a friend) and it terrifies me when they care at all. I've never been a romantic person, but I never realized how true that was until a couple weeks ago. I need a relationship with a friend. Someone who I can have a casual and fun relationship with without feeling too serious about it. If that makes sense....But I take relationships MUCH too seriously. The end. Bleh.

-Caring about people understanding what I'm saying

This problem mostly surfaces when I'm talking to my sister and my mom. My sister has a hard time hearing the correct meaning behind what people say (sorry Ash :P) and tends to think quite the opposite. After I figured that out it's actually been quite entertaining, though sometimes I can't figure out how to make her understand what I actually mean. Frustrating, but I feel the communication failure is on my end at least half of the time at this point. My mother on the other hand is getting worse by the day. She's always been very opinionated with quite a lot to say, but she forgets to wait her turn. We all interrupt people and we're all interrupted by people. Big deal. Well it IS a big deal when the interrupting leads to anger and arguing. The problem with talking to my mom is that I'll start a sentence which, taken out of context, sounds really bad. I start my sentence and she interrupts halfway through without hearing the rest of what I say, which is essential to understanding the meaning. Especially if I'm being sarcastic or cracking a joke. For instance, I never do my dishes. I leave them sitting around everywhere. This drives her nuts and I know it, so I've been working on it. But bad habits aren't fixed overnight. This doesn't stop her from getting increasingly frustrated, which I understand. Anyways, she'll tell me to clean up, which I already did but she didn't see. So I say as much. 'No, I uhmmm......' Then she interrupts before I can say 'I actually already finished them.' Nope, none of this. It turns into 'Did you just say NO? I do your dishes all the time and you said NO this ONE time I blah di blah di blah.' Sure, that's totally justified if I HAD actually said NO. Grrr..... this is just an example, but you can understand my frustration, riiiight? That's an instance that I feel totally justified getting angry about, but this happens with most anything I say and honestly I need to stop letting it bother me so much. I take it much too seriously.

-Spiders

Who doesn't? However, I feel like they stalk me or I create them from my imagination. This is a topic for a different post though. I have much to say on the matter.

Things I don't take seriously enough:

-Everything else

I'm cool........

My biggest problem is that there is no middle ground. I'm like an OCD person that has to have everything perfect in one room, but the next room can be a total pig-sty and it doesn't bother me at all. My brain is mysterious.

Send Me A Song

I went to see Pirates of Penzance today at Hale Center Theatre. It was amazing. I love that musical so much, but seeing it done live was fantastic. The music was/is incredible and I love the lyrics! I mean, I've seen Pirates done multiple times, and even did a snippet of it in 9th grade for choir, but actually seeing the whole thing done WELL just made my day.

Music is ridiculous. In a good way. Sometimes it makes me need to scream I'm so excited. I'm weird, sure, but don't tell me that you've never felt incredible listening to a certain song. Super motivated, super excited, super HUMAN.

Music rocks. It'll change your life.

Intertainment and Mythical Beasts

Over the past few months I have discovered the joy of watching well-made vlogs. I have found a couple different people that I really enjoy watching. And we all know the best ones have music videos. I will now share a few choice videos with you. The videos don't quite fit and I don't know how to fix that, so if you'd like to see them for real, please go to the vlog sites.

The first I discovered is Julian Smith. I saw a video on Facebook, which you may have seen as well. 25 Things I Hate About Facebook. Enjoy.

Those were a few of my personal favorites. Another vlogger, or vlogger duo I should say, that I really enjoy watching can be found at RhettandLink.com. I found them when they did a video in conjunction with Julian Smith. Their videos are more music videos, and I think they're histerical. Please enjoy these next few videos.

Don't these just bring you happiness? I would strongly suggest popping on over to the RhettandLinKommunity and becoming a Mythical Beast yourself. There are hours and hours of video up on their vlog and most of it is pretty darn enjoyable.

Truth of My Youth

Let's reminisce, shall we? Remember those shows you watched as a child? One of my personal favorites was Arthur. "And I say Hey! (HEY!) What a wonderful kind of day, where we can learn to work and play, and get along with each other."

I'll admit that I totally still watch this one when it's on tv. I would totally watch the others if I had those stations or if they were still on air. Who doesn't love this show? And the dynamic friendship between Arthur and Buster - Who could top that?

Aren't you just feeling great right about now? How about another of my favorites? How could anyone ever forget good old Bill Nye the science guy?

He's a childhood classic! Watching episodes of this man was not only awesome but educational! I remember us always begging the teachers to let us watch Bill Nye for science in elementary school. And at an average of $30 an episode, it's obvious that I'm not the only one with a thing for the science guy. He's histerical, funny looking (but in a good way), and super smart. Could you ask for more? I submit you could not. I saw an episode of Stargate Atlantis with Bill Nye in it, playing himself. It was odd, but I enjoyed seeing him in something other than the usual Nye episodes.

Does everyone remember your favorite dog Wishbone? What a great way to teach kids about folk tales and old stories that they've stopped teaching in school. I learned much more about mythology from Wishbone than I ever did through the edumacation system. My personal favorites? The Arabian Nights episodes. The ones about the story telling spider. The Sleepy Hollow episode. And how about Robin Hood!

I loved the episodes about Odysseus and greek mythologies. Wishbone is such a fantastic show. I recently saw an episode and got so excited that they were still playing! I'm sure they stopped filming years ago, but this is a show I would love to own. For myself.

Now my next childhood show here is a legend. My first crush. Well, my first two crushes I guess. Two brilliantly attractive zoologists who spend their time educataining people (educate + entertain. Brilliant, no?). What I'm talking about is none other than the show Kratt's Creatures. The Kratt brothers are the freaking BOMB!

And let's not forget their later show, Zoboomafoo! This show spawned my lifelong love of lemurs. They're just awesome. The Kratt brothers Chris and Martin, Zoboomafoo, lemurs, animals, learning. I can't even handle it.

I loved the Kratt brothers. In fact, I'm feeling the need to start buying their shows on DVD. Immediately. My children WILL be watching these shows. All of them. That is non-negotiable. Well, they would be watching Bill Nye as well were it not so darn expensive!

There are so many other fantastic shows that I haven't mentioned. The above are the ones that I remember best from my childhood. We never had cable, so most the shows I watched were under the PBS umbrella, but here are some other great shows of note that I watched occassionally:

-Hey Arnold

-Doug (That's for you, Josh)

-Pepper Ann

-Sabrina the Teenage Witch (The cartoon version AND the real life version)

I've missed many that I will remember later and be upset over, but for now I will bring this to a close and run the risk. There is one show that I didn't mention that I feel deserves to be noted. This is a show that I didn't necessarily watch as a child, it was more around my junior high/early high school time. Many people haven't heard of this show, but it's bloody brilliant. I present, The TICK!

Everything from his outfit, to his awesome sidekick moth-friend Arthur, to his warcry SPOOOOOOOON! is just fantastic. I pity all those who have not experienced the greatness that is the Tick. I have two episode which are my personal favorites. The first is 'Mustache Feeling,' where the Tick wakes to find he has an awesome new mustache. Soon he discovers, however, that it has a mind of its own. Never fear though! The Tick will save the day. Eventually.

My other favorite episode is the 'Filth' episode. The mantra of the Filth has stuck with me for years. "We're filth! We're filth! We come from filth, we're going to filth! We're filth!"

It's fantastic. I challenge anyone to not love the Tick in some way. It's just......the Tick. There's no more to say.

And on that note I will conclude this voyage to the past. I hope you enjoyed! Do you feel that I missed any shows that are extremely worthy of note? Let me know!

Obsession Nocturne

I never realized before how much I really like owls. It's something that's never really come up before. I mean, owls aren't really a common thing around here, so I've never given them much thought. I see them at zoos and we've had one on our porch maybe two or three times, but that's the extent of my contact with them.

When I went to the Philippines, for some reason they had a lot of things having to do with owls. There were owl woodcarvings and jewelry with owls that I found especially interesting. For some reason, as soon as I saw these owls I immediately fell in love. Maybe I was reminiscing on my first real contact with owls?

Remember the owl from Zelda? Ya, I think he was my first love. I mean, how histerical is an old, wise, talking owl? How much cooler could it get??

Anyways, I found it interesting that I was so attracted to the owl paraphernalia they had. Apparently I really, really like owls. Who knew? I bought a couple carvings there and I kind of wish I'd gotten more of them, but whatever. I also got a pair of earings and two necklaces that have owls made out of some kind of shell I think. I love them! They are awfully fun. This is a new found interest that I will be using in my decorating in the future. Owls are pretty darn cool. And everything they represent makes you feel smart. They represent wisdom, intelligence, and focus for me. I mean, the staring eyes just make you feel like they're paying such good attention to everything, haha. And I love the way their heads turn around.

It is one of my non-negotiable life goals to have a library of some sort, and I would really enjoy some owl bookends. I think I will make an effort to find some that I like, but I would never get a stuffed owl. I've seen stuffed owls as decorations before, including in a library and I find it to be kind of terrifying. I don't want something dead watching me walk around. Eek.

But anyhow, owls are just plain cool. That is all.

Finger Monkeys!

Yes, these are real.

I need one.

See I'm Smiling...

Life still rocks and I love it, but sometimes I look at other people and I think, man....I'm doing nothing productive. Everything is so easy. I could do so much more. But I don't. Boo.

I want a boyfriend. I guess when I said everything is easy I forgot about this. I've never been good with guys. I fail at making conversation, especially in person. I'm much better in writing. Plus I just flat out don't like very many people. I know that seems like a downer, but I don't find that many people genuinely interesting. Not to be a terrible person or anything.....Ok, that was kind of a lie. I don't find many people genuinely interesting AND attractive. I actually find a LOT of people really interesting. I just don't think they're very good looking. That's a little rude too I guess. Blah.

I don't know what to do. I know it'll all work out and all that uplifting cliche crap, but for now it just kinda bites. I'm in a stupid mood. I should go to bed and stop feeling sorry for myself.

I feel like I need to do something new now. All my friends are moving on with their lives, going back to school, getting married, going on missions. I'm doing none of those things and I have so many things I want to do but I'm not doing any of it yet. I need to work and earn money and live in the real world. It's starting to make me tired again. Life tired. Life bored. I loathe that feeling. It's frustrating and makes me too blah to even cry. I feel void of emotions. RAAAAWR!!! I'll be better tomorrow. G'night.

Aint Goin' Down

Life rocks right now. I love life. Even when I don't particularly like it, I love it. I just got back from my performing tour to the Philippines and I met the most amazing people in the entire world. I plan on writing a more indepth blog about that with some choice pictures, but for now I'll just say that if I hadn't gotten sick I would have loved to stay there for so so much longer. The people there were so friendly and happy with their lives that it made me grateful to be alive. As I got off the plane in America I immediately saw the difference between there and here. I've never really noticed but the people in America are so suspicious and cautious about everything. We've become uncomfortable with being friendly and I'm no longer okay with that.

I've gotten back my passion in life. Not that I had been particularly depressed, but I was going through a slump where I didn't really know what to do with myself. I feel as though I've finally gotten back out of that. Being in a foreign country made me feel my familiar but long-forgotten need to communicate. I wanted to cry because I didn't know the language. I wanted to be able to blend into the culture and share with these beautiful, beautiful people in their own tongue. It's a strange feeling that I can only describe again as a need. Not a desire to communicate, but a need.

As I've been back in America for a couple days I realize how much I've been out of touch with myself, with my responsibility and my enthusiasm. I'm gonna fix that right now. I have given myself a huge opportunity in my life for the next year and I'm going to run with it. Run as fast and far as I can.

I got the promotion I hoped for at work and I'm grateful. I started training today and it wasn't nearly as terrifying as I thought it was going to be. I was afraid that there would be more resentment towards me, but I have to say that I respect some people I work with so much more after today. There was someone else who I know applied for the position as well and I feel like she really deserves it as much as I do. Where she lacks in leadership skills, I lack in knowledge and experience. I think that's what got me the position. Experience is something easier to acquire. I really respect her for the way she acted today. I was told that I got the position right before my shift started. So were those who did not get the position. And they still had to work as servers while they watched me being trained. I have to imagine that would be terribly depressing. I would have been dissappointed enough to have wanted to go home. I wouldn't want to have to spend the next 4 hours trying to please people who are sometimes very impatient and ungrateful. I expected a bit more animosity, but I apparently was not giving this girl enough credit. I admire her for the way she reacted. With was happened, I know I would have been a bit bitter and would not have been able to recover as she did. As I watched her today I realized that's something I need to work on in the future. It left a big impression on me.

I'm very happy to have gotten the position. Especially now that Synergy is almost over and I will no longer have rehearsals, I was hoping to be able to get more hours again. I imagine that I will be scheduled a lot more often again, particularly because I now will be scheduled as a server AND a house manager. I'm quite excited and I appreciate having gotten the position. It makes me a lot more confident for future jobs and a lot more confident in my own skills. I was particularly nervous during the interview and I know it showed, but it's a comfort to know that despite that I was still hired. So at least my interview skills aren't particularly detrimental, haha. But knowing that I can progress like this is comforting knowing that I want so much from life. I just have to go out and get it.

Perhaps the most impactful words on my life recently have been these:

"The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Strange Phenomenon

You know how one day you'll hear a new word that you swear no one has ever used before, but then over the next few days you hear just about everyone use it at least once? All the sudden it's so common and you're so weirded out by the fact that this word must be used all the time and in your entire life you never once paid attention to it. I find this a strange phenomenon.

You know how sometimes in a group, like at work persay, you can go weeks and even months without anyone making a mistake, but then once one person does, everyone else quickly follows suite and makes their own mistake as well. Like at Desert Star, when one person spills it seems like everyone else has to spill at least once before we can go back to normal again. I find this a strange phenomenon.

You know how randomly you'll hear someone say something incorrectly, like adding an extra word into the lyrics of a song, and you think nothing of it until you hear a few other people who are totally unassociated do the same thing as well? Well, maybe this is just something I have noticed and is not so common as the other two, but I've heard a lot of people randomly inserting the word 'the' where it should not go. Twice in my dance group people added 'the' into a sentence in their solo. At Desert Star one of the actors will sing 'the happy trails' instead of just 'happy trails.' I notice it because it takes an extra beat, but I feel like I am the only one noticing it. I find this a strange phenomenon.

What are some random things that you find strange? Things that shouldn't be patterns but are?

Shoebox Of Life

I feel the need to vent right now. I've actually been in a great mood today and I've been awfully chatty, which I'm sure is driving certain people nuts, but there's really no helping it is there? Haha, so the thing that's really bothering me at the moment is one of my friends. I love this kid to death, seriously, but sometime he is just so freaking condescending that I want to drop him off on the side of the road and drive off to Disneyland without him. That'd teach him, right?

When I say this kid is condescending, what I mean is that he always acts like I'm the dumbest person alive. I'll make comments that make perfect sense, but he won't understand them. I don't know why, because when I say the same thing to other people, they seem to know exactly what I mean. Maybe this kid just doesn't understand human language very well....or he's just stupid. But he misinterprets half the things I say and just all around thinks I don't ever know what I'm talking about. Then he'll get on a huge kick laughing about it and telling everyone around us that I'm 'really actually a really smart person, so it's soooooo funny!' Ya sure I don't mind you laughing, especially when I really do say something stupid, but when I make actual valid comments that you just don't understand, at least be a man and admit you don't understand instead of pretending like I said something stupid.

What I will never understand is how people can think they know so much about everything. This friend has a certain characteristic that he would like to think makes him more knowledgeable about the world and more open minded than the rest of us. Sometimes he'll say things like he's explaining culture and human behavoir to a 5 year old. Thanks, but I'm not a total idiot. I do understand how people work, but I would LOVE to sit here and listen to you preach about how much you know about everybody.

He talks about how people are so judgemental all the time, but then we'll drive past someone and he'll immediately say 'oh that person's (insert adjective here).' I'll disagree and he'll go on this huge rampage about how he knows because 'there was this one time where I met this one person who did this and now I feel like I know EVERYTHING about it.'

The worst was the other day when we were talking about relationships. There were a few of us talking about something and I commented on how I didn't think it was worth all the fuss. This kid pitches a fit because he doesn't agree. All I meant was that I myself would never do this certain thing because I didn't think it was worth the bother and the problems it would cause. He seemed to take personal offense and think that I was saying it was fundamentally wrong or something. Whatever. Then he goes off on a tangent and I sit there thinking 'Oh my gosh shut UP!' Then he said the most annoying phrase in the entire world. He goes, "Hun, when you're actually in a relationship where you like the person this much, you'll understand." What, so I'm too stupid to imagine something? So the minute I'm in a relationship that you deem worthy of your approval, I'll automatically come around to your way of thinking? I see the value in his argument, but that only applies to HIM. I still disagree for MYSELF. I will never change that opinion. And I even specifically said, 'well it doesn't matter if you don't understand or agree with my point, because I know what I'm saying and I don't really mind.' I wasn't disagreeing with him, I wasn't saying he was wrong, and I wasn't in any way, shape, or form being argumentative at all. He just WENT OFF!!! And he does that all the time.

I just want to say, No, you're wrong. Your fashion sense is terrible and you're a condescending jerk.

In all fairness, this is not a big problem and it doesn't actually happen all that often, but I'm gonna have to sit this kid down and have a little chat if we're going to continue being friends. He thinks other people are closeminded and judgemental? What about him? He's the one who thinks I don't understand because I was raised in an LDS family in Utah and thus know 'nothing' about the 'real' world. If only I actually said half the things on my mind.

I love this kid to death, but right now I just want to kick him straight in the face and yell at him.

Vent officially over.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

My brother had his wedding reception yesterday and it went really well. Basically it was my wedding, which is a little depressing because now I feel like I have to do stuff differently (at least a little bit), but I still really enjoyed it. They had it where I wanted (and in all fairness, where I suggested), she had the same colors, she had fish bowls as the centerpieces, there were paper lanterns as the decorations, and she had the person I want to have make my cake do hers. I mean, I'm pretty flexible on the whole issue, especially considering I'm not even close to getting married or even having a boyfriend, but it was still a little strange to think about it as I watched everyone coming and going. The decorations looked fantastic. I was really impressed with how everything worked out.

The things I want to do differently at my reception are pretty simple, but non-negotiable. I WILL be wearing converse. The end. There WILL be a bouncey castle, but only for the adults. It will rock. Also I want to have a candy table with little 'to-go grab bags' that people can fill up with M&Ms and whatever we put on the table. There will be runts and they will all be separated so people only have to take the kinds they want. Brilliant, eh? I plan to hoard most the banana ones for myself. Don't judge. Also, I will not have little goldfish in my fishbowls. They'll be something awesomely exotic, or just colorful betas at least. I will pick out my fish, thank you very much. There were 16 little goldfish last night and I really disliked 3 of them. The rest were cute but those 3 were a creepy pale white-ish color and looked sickly. No bueno. Only fish of complete coolness for me.

Soon I'll be out of the whole wedding mood and life will go back to boring non-eventfulness (non-counting my trip to the Philippines, cuz that's gonna rock!). I mentioned today that I would really like to take my old 10 gallon tank and put a mini aquarium in my room, and my mom sounded like she wasn't halfway opposed to the idea. From past experience I'm taking that to mean that she is persuadable, and since I'm a very persistent brat, I think it'll work out in my favor. Of course this is all with the caviot that I get my room clean enough to actually put a fish tank in it in the first place. There is so much STUFF e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e......I should probably store more of it in the attic. Man, when I get married we won't have to register for hardly anything. I've got a ton of kitchen stuff from when I moved to Provo, I have enough furniture to fill a pretty average sized house, and I have every book and tv series/movie you could possibly want. Well...that's a huge exaggeration, but I feel pretty well prepared. I have so many things being kept up in the attic right now for later use, and the amount of stuff is about to double. I just don't have room in my room (weird sentence, haha). Anywho, back to the fish tank. I'm pretty stoked, not gonna lie. I wanna put purple, blue, and green gravel on the bottom. Not mixed together, but side by side on a diagonal, if that makes any sense. So I'd have purple in the back left corner, blue in the front right corner, and green in the middle, or something like that. Then I have some decorative sandstone rock formations that my parents bought for me on a trip to Yellowstone or somewhere of the like. And then I'm gonna fill the tank with tetras and neon-flourescent fish. They have plenty at Petco and Petsmart. I'm all over this. Boo-freaking-ya.

Anyways, I just felt the need to write something, so here I am, sharing with you this completely useless information. Hope you enjoy it. Buahahaha.

Let's Do Something

I don't really have anything particular I want to talk about today. I just feel like writing. Actually, I really feel like singing, but it's 3 in the morning and everyone's in bed. That would be rude. Tomorrow is Adam and Katrina's wedding reception, which is totally weird. It was actually really easy to get used to the idea of them being married and Adam being moved out. What's weird right now is thinking, hey....why is the reception tomorrow instead of a MONTH AGO when they got married?? Hahaha. Ah well, I think it's kind of funny. It should be fun tomorrow and I'm a little bit excited, as strange as that may seem.

I made the decision to not go to school this fall or next spring. I feel really good about this decision. Thanks Kristie for your comment on my last post. That actually made me feel a lot better about making my decision. I totally thought I would feel like a failure and a half, but now that I've made the decision, I have absolutely no shame whatsoever. I'm so excited for this semester to officially be over and for me to start my year off. I have so many different things I want to do, and writing is at the top of my list. I've just been building up great ideas over the past few years and I'm really excited to actually try my hand at a few of them. I'd also like to write lyrics. I don't have any music writing ability to speak of as of yet, and I'm not really interested in it ever, but I really like writing lyrics. This is going to be some seriously rockin time off!

I need to find a second job for during the day, which is a little off-putting when I think about all the free time I COULD have, but I need the money and it will be good to have something to do. I plan on still working at Desert Star, but that's only at night and I would like to have a job for mornings and afternoons. I'm thinking of applying at the library (again, haha). I figure that last time I applied I didn't get hired most likely because I wasn't available in the afternoons. Now I'll have a completely open schedule right as all of the college students that work there now are leaving. I'm the perfect candidate in my opinion! Hopefully they agree. Or I could get a job at Target, although I don't know if I'll be able to handle/stand the excessive amounts of stupid people that I'll have to work with. I can handle stupid customers because they leave, and I can handle a few duds when I get to meet a lot of really interesting people as well. I don't know, but I think I'll apply at both places. Does anybody else have any good ideas? I'm open to suggestions, although I will say that I am NOT looking for another job as a server. I'll do customer service, sure, but I think if I have 2 serving jobs I'll start to loath life. :P

One of the major reasons I'm excited about not having school is I feel like I'll have a lot more time to actually have friends. I feel like I've been an indifferent friend lately, and I don't like that at all. I do care, but I need everyone else to know that too. Now I'll actually have time to do the things that I wanna do (ain't got a thing to do with you ~ I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans, excuse my manners if I make a scene!**). This will be good for me. I've been having an enthusiasm struggle lately, but now at the prospect of taking some *me* time, I'm overjoyed! As corny as that sounds...hahaha.

First Train Home

I've been meaning to write for a while now, but I haven't been able to think of anything good. For months. I've been so freaking unmotivated. I'm going through another one of those stupid 'is my life going in the direction I want it to' periods. I just can't decide. I mean, right now at school I'm doing Linguistics and Computer Science. I enjoy the concept of computer science and I've been enjoying my classes, but I'm not sure if that's exactly what I want. I just don't know. I mean, I'm SMART. That sounds cocky but get over it, haha. I know I'm smart, but I'm not doing anything with it. I look at the grades and scores I got in high school and I think of how much better I could've done had I bothered to study. Ever. I studied for about two hours and my ACT score went up by three. If I had studied every night and done my homework the correct way, I'd be in much better shape. Now in college I'm having the same problem, although now it's much worse because classes are optional. I have such a hard time making myself gooo!! Ugh.

I enjoy Linguistics. I think I would like to stay along those lines, but I don't know what to do about the computer science part. I want a job like that in the future. I want to be on the computer. But I don't know if I want to be programming on the computer. I loved it all last semester, and I still do, but I think I might just be settling. There are so many things that I would like to do and I'm not doing any of them because I feel so overwhelmed. I'm taking a summer semester with one computer programming class, a calculus class, and a physics class. I did this so I can apply to enter the major at the end of the summer and continue taking classes in the fall. But do I really want that? What I really want is to be able to put it all on hold for a year, to be able to decide, but if I wait then I won't be able to take the classes with my brother. A major plus to taking classes in the fall would be that my brother would be in the same classes and I'd have someone to help me out. Buuuuuut am I making that more important than what I really want? I'm SO FRUSTRATED!

I know I shouldn't make decisions like this because of other people. It's like choosing to go to a certain college. You shouldn't go because that's where your friends are going, you should go because that's where you'll be in the best program with the best scholarship. Am I taking computer science right now because my brother's doing it? Should I really take a year off despite the fact that I'll then be behind my brother? I can't decide yet if I'm making the decision to go to school in the fall based on that or not.

Most of the most important things in my life (that sounded strange, haha) have all happened by 'chance.' We're not gonna discuss the whole 'chance' thing, just accept it as is because it's not the focus right now. :D What I mean is that all the things I have defined myself by over the years have all been things that chanced upon me.

I started Clayton because a friend wanted me to and I had no opinion or ambition. 12 years later and I'm still in it, going strong. Some of my best friends are there and I will never forget the things I've learned from it. It's been one of my strongest testimony builders.

I went to RYLA because a friend's mom suggested that I might be interested and they hadn't had enough applicants. As I went back to RYLA that first year, and then for two more consecutive years, I realized how impossible it was that I was invited to RYLA in the first place. RYLA is a leadership training camp run by the Rotary club, which is a major service organization. I hadn't been all that big into community service, mostly just because I'm lazy. I had never heard of the organization and when I first got the call I thought it had to do with cars. I went because I was intrigued, and because of that 3 day weekend I ended up returning two more times, joining the Interact Club in my high school, and becoming the President my senior year. It's been kind of a big deal for me.

I've made so many decisions in my life 'just because.' I haven't really had good reasons for most of the things I do. It's not that I'm indecisive, it's more that I just don't care. When I sit down and think about what I REALLY, REALLY want, the things that come to mind are writing and traveling. I honestly feel that I have the potential to write something really great, but I know that like with everything else it will take time and hard work. I should take classes and prepare myself. I just feel like that's something I shouldn't do. I don't know.... If I took the year off I would like to take that time to write. I want to write music, but I don't think I'd be that great at the actual music part. I'd love to write lyrics though. I love to sing. I love it so much I want to scream whenever I think about it. Alright...that just made me sound like a weirdo, but you probably understand what I mean! Hopefully. Anyways, when I think about doing that I feel so happy. The more I think about it, the more I feel like it'd be a good thing. But then I talk myself out of it. I tell myself I should have a backup plan. I should do something more profitable, more productive. Hardly any writers actually become successful. I'm too lazy. I just shouldn't. Whatever.

I think I should consider this as an option more than I have been. A lot of the reason that I don't want to stop taking classes for a year is because that would kind of make me feel like a failure, but where I am now I'm going down the road of FAIL much faster than ever before. I'm scared for the rest of this semester. I just want it to stop. Right now. RAAAAAWR!!!

Okay, so that's my rant for now. It was long. Now it's over. Hope you enjoyed? Ha....

Cover Your Eyes

I had an ...interesting... experience today. My family moved from Anaheim Hills, California about 15 years ago and wound up here in good ol' Murray, Utah. Coincidentally, an awful lot of people from the Anaheim area have also ended up inhabiting round abouts here in the land of no consonants. We welcome all. ANYwho, there was this Anaheim 10th Ward get together for all themsfolks and their families today at the old Bishop's new house (Did that make any sense? Hardy-har). But ya, so my brother, my parents, and I all went packin up to Bountiful for food after church. Yes, I mostly just went for the food.

Because I was only 5 when we moved to Utah, most of the people there thought I was Ashley at first. It was funny when they realized I wasn't, and that I was actually only 19. Bwahahaha, one day I will rule the world with misinterpretations and strange impressions! It's like a talent.

All of this was actually quite fun, so now I'll get to the 'interesting' part, which I'm sure you're all oh so very interested in yourselves. Yes, I'm talking about you. You know you wanna know. I know you know you wanna know. Aaaaaaaand here we go---

So there was this guy my parents knew named after a certain famous LDS prophet. Hahaha. He was their age, maybe a little older. He seemed like a pretty cool successful guy, but that was just my first impression. He stayed and talked to us for a bit. And talked. And talked. And ignored us. And talked. Woof. He talked about himself and his oh so very, very wise business ventures, his success with stocks, his son's success with business, success, success, success. It got to the point where I was staring stoically out the window trying not to be sarcastic, my dad was staring inwards trying not to yawn, my mom was staring over Jo's head trying not to sigh ridiculously loud, and Adam was staring at his hands with his nostrils flared horrendously and squinting to prevent absurd levels of laughter. These things be only the tip of yon ice-berg. Body of afore-mentioned berg as follows: He starts talking about how all his success is due to God's hand. Okay, that's cool. I agree, I'm religious and that's what my beliefs are as well. Yay. But he was RIDICULOUS! Totally overconfident man trying to seem humble by overstating how 'small' a role he played in his own 'enormous' success. I've known plenty of people who were not only more successful at life, but much more successful at being humble as well. Humility not being my strong suit, I know I should have little room to speak, but it gets better, so I must share. Now we're all just sitting with glazed eyes trying to decide on a tactful way to run for our lives, and he starts talking about his work in the temple. Cool. We all try to be respectful of that at least, so we all start listening. I'm still staring out the window, mind you, but I'm listening at least. He's talking about how his grandfather never got to marry his first love because of her untimely death, and how he just recently got the opportunity to seal them together. That's awesome, genuinely cool for him. Kudos cocky man. Kudos. Then strikes a serious case of malopropism, ensuing hilarity soon to follow. We goes on to the next topic, closing his previous topic with "so after consumating their marriage I went on to...." We all stopped listening at this point. Adam looks over at me for a co-conspirator in suppressing histerical laughter. I continue staring out the window and say quietly, "ya, I heard. hehe." My mom leans over without making eye contact and says "we'll have to talk about this later." My mom had to get up and leave.

Now at this point we're all just thinking this man is ridiculous. Then he starts Gospel Grilling my brother. His punchline and point for this was to lead up to "But do you know when the 2nd coming is?" Adam: ".....no.....2015? Hahaha, just kidding, I have no idea. We're not supposed to know." (Awkward laughter as he realizes our self proclaimed faux prophet is being serious) "Do...you?" Jo: "Well....." and here he proceeds to give us some mathematical and symbolic explanation as to why it's going to happen in the year 2030. For sure. Like, he was dead serious. Then he says "It says in the scriptures that no man shall know the day or the time, but it doesn't say we can't know the year. God means what he says and says what he means." Then he stands up and leaves. What an exit.

As my brother and I sit there in complete shock, I lean over and say "This man has a theme song. Would you like to hear it?" Well of course. HERE IT GOES!!!

"IIIIIIII'm holier than thou, I've got the spirit now! I thank God Almighty that I'm holier than thou!!"

Oh so appropriate. I think I peed a little on the ride home from laughing about the importance of consumating the dead before 2030. Heaven forbid we should all be death bed consumators. hehehehehehehehehehehehe. Oh joy, I may now have to be even more often awkward for kicks and giggles. Be prepared.

Ummm....I'm not proof-reading this, soooooooooo....get over it. Hope it makes sense at least.

Peace out my lovely ducks!

Crumbs From Your Table

I've decided to try to make my blog a little less annoying and a little more fun and interactive. We'll see how that goes (what with all 1 1/2 people that read this). I've been thinking a lot about what fun things to write about and my first topic I've chosen is......(drumroll).......

WORDS I HATE FOR NO GOOD REASON

Now I know this seems totally random, but hey, random is fun right? I've recently noticed a lot of words that bother me, so I thought I'd start keeping a list. Now keep in mind that this was a mental list, and thereby incomplete because my memory SUCKS, but who says I can't add to it later, right? Mauahaha. So here we go.....

1) Supper-It makes me shudder. I want to throw things when I hear people say it.

2) Bathe-I don't know why I hate it so. I can remember in Elementary School the first time I heard it when one of my friends said that she had bathed. I was liked, ummm, you mean bath-ed? No, no, it's bathed. With a long a. Baaaaaaaathd. I hate it. Kill it now.

3) Stew-Now this one's tricky. I think the word's fine if it's pronounced stoo. But it really gets to me when people say it st-ew. Like ewwww! Stew. Like st-(j)ew. Not that I have anything against the word Jew. It's just a suitable pronunciation example. haha. When said st-ew, it makes people sound all prim and proper and fake British. Now if a British person said it and it came out st-ew, I'd be totally fine with that.

4) So I says-I know this one is more of a phrase, but rawr!! It bothers me when people tell a story and use this phrase. So I says to her, how many years have you been speaking English? See? Doesn't that just rankle? Doesn't it irk? It's irksome. Use better grammar.

5) Snack-This one is also tricky. It only bothers me occassionally, and mostly only recently. Snack. Snack. Snaaaaack......I dunno. No me gusta.

6) Slacks-When referring to pants. They're not slacks. They're pants. PANTS.

7) Blouse-Same as above. Just call it a freaking shirt. What are you, an 80 year old homemaker with apple pie on the windowsill? Don't think so. SHIRT.

8) Gouge-This word just makes me itch. It's gross. The end.

9) Lesbian-Whatever the concept, the word itself just bothers me. It's such a slimy phonetic sound. With the lsb sound. Yuck. Admittedly, this one is starting to bother me less and less as I get older. Haha....

Okay.....I'm just making myself all grossed out now. No mas. There are a few other really good ones that I can't think of right now, but maybe I'll remember them soon. There's a somewhat (not really to most people) interesting article I read about how girls are more bothered by words than guys. Being a Linguist, I was intrigued. If you're really bored, here's the link.

The Moist Panties Phenomenon (ahahahaha).

Are there any words you can think of that give you the willies? Words you think should die immediately and never be spoken or written again? Words you hate for no apparent reason but make you violently angry when you hear them? Bring. It. On.

Commando

What is the most adventuresome thing you've done?

There are two things that I think come in a close tie for first. The first and most obvious one is skydiving. I've been twice in the last year and a half and I plan to go a third time next year if I have the money. I have always loved the feeling of free falling and skydiving is exactly that. I want to go a third time because on the third jump I would be allowed to go without being strapped onto an instructor. Of course, an instructor would still jump with me, otherwise I wouldn't go. I love it, it's an amazing feeling.

The second thing that was adventuresome for me but probably pretty average for most other people was going to RYLA. I got a random phone call one day about going to this youth camp thing. I had no idea what it was all about, but I figured it would look really good on a resume as it had to do with the Rotary Club. I normally tend to ignore things that I don't completely know what they're about, but this time I figured that I should get out of my comfort zone and give it a shot. I went, by myself, to this camp where I was confused out of my mind the entire first day. I had no idea why I was there or why I had been called. Normally people have to apply for the program. I really lucked out I guess. Going to RYLA was one of my favorite experiences and if I hadn't just gotten off my butt and decided to go, I would have missed out on an awesome opportunity. For me, going somewhere like that completely by myself without knowing a single person was REALLY adventuresome. Now I do it all the time, haha. Go me Go!

In The Tunnels

For Christmas once my mom gave everyone in my family a jar full of questions for us to answer. We got it years ago with the instruction to pull them out as a sort of journal entry topic when we were older, hopefully married with kids. I plan to answer them all later in my life like intended, but I think it will be kind of fun to answer some of them now. So although no one reads these, I'm going to do one occassionally just for fun. Here we go!

Describe family traditions that you remember

One of the biggest, and especially the most memorable today, is playing Nintendo together at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Today is Thanksgiving and, like usual, all the 'kids' got together downstairs and played Tetris, SuperSmash Bros, and SuperMario. We usually play Dr. Mario too, but we haven't gotten to that yet. I don't remember how long ago our silly little Nintendo tradition came about, but I do remember that it was my idea (Go ME!!). I had been thinking about how kind of normal Christmas Eve was, so I asked Adam and Ashley if they wanted to stay up and play Dr. Mario. Ever since then we have done it every year, and now we have Mark and Katrina playing as well.

Our family has never been particularly big on traditions. And we're a little strange. Perhaps that's why our most prominent tradition includes something so nerdy as Nintendo....haha. Another fun tradition we used to have was going to Lake Powell with the Lethbridge family every year. We haven't been for the last two summers because everyone's at the age where we don't have the time to coordinate a week long trip. The year we stopped it was because Adam and Ashley had work and I had Clayton. I think Synergy tour was the same week as our Powell date, or something like that. However it worked, we ended up selling our half of the time share back to the Lethbridges. We all miss it a lot and I hope that once we all are married and settled down that we'll be able to start going again with all of us and our families.

I loved going to Lake Powell every year, if only for the car ride. I love long car rides. It's a fun time to talk, goof off, and anticipate what's to come. Also, Lake Powell is just pure awesomeness. I'm slightly afraid of being in water because I can't see what's beneath me, but Lake Powell has always been worth it. I'm terrible at wakeboarding, but I've started to enjoy tubing in the past few years. I used to hate it because Bud is a sadistic boat driver and I would always get hurt, but now I find that kind of fun. Masocist....haha. It was also fun hanging out with the Lethbridges. We would always watch "What About Bob," "Groundhog Day," and "The Man Who Knew Too Little." Yay for Bill Murray at Powell. I also loved playing games with them. I'm going to miss Lake Powell. :(

Those are the biggest traditions that I can think of....we have a couple Christmas ones like our candy calendar for December, setting up the tree together, and opening presents together in the morning, but those are all kind of the usual traditions that a lot of families have. Although I do have to say that our family is unique in the fact that it's an effort to get Adam, Ashley and I out of bed on Christmas morning. We're all excited for presents, but rather than getting up at 5 or 6 like most kids, we roll out of bed and into the shower at around 9....we're a little lazy. Well, that's not true. We're just not morning people. And it doesn't help that we've usually stayed up until 5 or 6 the night before playing Dr. Mario.

I love my awkward family. :D

Cave

Heeey.....so I'm having a serious lack of good new music other than Mika right now. Do you guys have any fantastic ideas of music I should listen to??