A Miracle's a Miracle Even When It's Ordinary

So you know how you often have those random periods of enlightenment in your life where you find out that you really don't know anything?  Maybe that's just me, but I've definitely been having one for a while now.  It's so weird.  I'm not saying that I know a lot, but I got to a point where I couldn't reasonably accept the fact that the human brain could hold so much information consciously at one time.  That sounds really weird, but hopefully I'll be able to make a little more sense.

I always feel like when I learn something new, I forget something else.  Like I can only hold so much information before my brain starts recycling.  Like I know all I can know at this moment. I know thatmight sound completely retarded, but what are you gonna do, right?  Haha.

It's just funny to see how much my perspectives on so many things have been changed since I moved out and started going to college.  I mean, I go home ALL the time, so it's not like a huge change or anything, but still, I've been somewhere that's not Murray or Clayton for the last 8 months.  It's interesting to see what things are different.  What things matter to people that I never thought about before.  Things that I accepted as normal, but really were only normal where I had grown up.  

I expect a cultural leap when I go to a different state or country, but it's just so strange to me to have one just 40 minutes from my home.  There's people here at BYU from so many different states and cultures, and it's amazing to see them all come together and be a part of it in my own unusual way.  If I try to look past the creepy things I dislike about Provo, it's actually pretty amazing.  (This is for all the people I made feel nervous about coming to BYU :P)  BYU is the 2nd most desired school to get into in the whole US.  People try so hard and put so much effort into getting accepted.  They work to get scholarships and move so far away from home, just for this opportunity.  And here I am wanting more than anything to get out.  It makes me feel a little strange.  

I feel a little ungrateful.  I'm very grateful for the scholarship that I got, and for the opportunity to come to BYU, but the fact that I didn't really work that hard for it makes me feel weird.  I mean, I didn't work any harder than usual, so maybe I'm just used to it, but I don't know.

One of my new favorite quotes is one that I pass every time I come back to Provo from Murray.  It's flashed up along with a few others on the sign at Thanksgiving Pointe.  It says, "Only a mediocre person is always at his best."  The first few times I read it I didn't really think about it, but one time as I was driving past it, it just made sense.  I had been sitting there thinking about how I feel like such a slacker because I feel like I haven't had to work for many of the opportunities that I've been given in my life, and because of that, I always feel so guilty and unworthy when I don't do perfectly.  

There are so many of these things, like being in Synergy, getting to go to RYLA, getting into BYU with a scholarship, etc.  I feel like I'm an ungrateful person for not being at my best.  That quote made me feel so much better because it just reminded me of the fact that everything is a process, and only a mediocre person is at their best.  If I was perfect, what fun would there be?  There'd be no more to learn, there'd be nothing to work for, and nothing to overcome.

My brother was talking about how he liked pain.  I joked and called him a freaky masochist, but I knew what he meant.  He didn't mean that he enjoyed being hurt, what he meant was that he enjoyed being able to overcome something like that.  Being able to trip and fall on your face and stand up with a black eye and just laugh it off.  To prove that you're more powerful than the physical.  I like that so much.  We can overcome something so simple.

I know I may not be making sense or connecting in the way I mean to, but as I always say, I'm writing this mostly for my own benefit, and if someone else gets something out of it, GREAT!!  :D  If not, whatever, just don't hate me because it's long, hahaha.

But anyways, these two things go together so well for me right now.  I have to overcome my insecurities about not being perfect, and stop second guessing myself.  Yesterday in church there were two things that really stood out to me.  One was when the bishop was answering questions (Not to copy you or anything Stace, I promise it's something different!), and I can't remember the exact question he was answering, but he was talking about how impossible perfection is.  I admit, I was only half listening because I'm a dork, but some part of me picked up the parts I needed to hear.  It's okay to be imperfect, as long as we're trying our hardest.  The other thing was one of the girls who was bearing her testimony (I think it was Jae Dansie) and she mentioned that she had faith in the little things, like praying to find your keys, but had a harder time when it came to the bigger things.  

I don't have that exact problem, but it seemed somewhat similar to me still.  I've had a lot of time to think in my car (the best place because no one's there to distract me!!) and I've been thinking about faith.  I have faith, I've always had faith, but my biggest problem is that while I have undoubting faith in God, I doubt people, mostly myself.  Kind of like how people can have the faith TO heal, but the people also need the faith to BE healed.  I don't doubt when I hear or see miracles, like a story my uncle told before he died about a dream he had.  I won't share that, because I don't know if it's too personal to my family, but it's one of the big faith things that I have never doubted.  But there are things like being healed, or receiving answers to prayers, where I just don't have enough faith in myself.  It's like I'm saying to myself, why should I deserve this?  Why would God help me with this when he doesn't have to?  I mean, I know the answers, I've been taught them my entire life, but for some reason I'm just having trouble with it.  And it's like, I can prayer for faith that my prayers are answered, and I receive that with the little things, like I pray to be able to help someone, and I do.  Or I pray to know what to do, and I know.  But there are some things that I think, I can't pray about this until I'm more worthy of God's help.  I hate thinking that way, because how do I become worthy of his help without his help?  It's a stupid paradox that I've set up in my brain and can't seem to get rid of.

That's why I've been so grateful to be able to come back to Murray and be with my friends who are so faithful in that way in particular.  I hear stories from them that I'm sure they don't realize I think about so much, but they help me in such unexpected ways.  Like I told Stacey with the movies and how desensitized I had become.  She off-handedly mentioned something about how uncomfortable a particular scene had made her and I had to seriously think for a long time about what scene she had possibly been talking about.  When I finally realized which one she meant, I felt a little guilty, haha.  I had thought it was pretty tame, but I was COMPARING it to other movies.  Bad idea.  If I rationalize which movies I watch by comparing them to each other, what good is that going to do me since ALL of the movies are getting worse?  I need to pick a line that doesn't move even if the rating system does.

It's little things like that which make me really realize the things I need to be focusing on and the things that will help me.  Thanks friends :D  Haha, you're the best.  

Another one of my favorites is when Jon was saying the prayer before a performance for Synergy and he said, instead of the all too common "please bless us to perform to the best of our abilities," he snuck in "please bless us to perform to the best of thy ability."  I wasn't sure if  I had heard correctly or if he had done it on purpose until I asked him later (yes to both), but it struck me really hard all of a sudden at that performance.  Tying in the rest of my rant, I'm not using my own ability for anything, I'm using God's ability.  Or rather, he's letting me.  It's through him and the spirit that I have a brain in the first place (yes, I'm pretty sure it's there) and can hold so much more information than I can possibly fathom right now.  It's because of him that I can have the opportunity to work my way through my own problems, and even if I feel unworthy or lacking even if I'm working hard, it just means that I'm progressing.  It's through him that I have great friends that can help me realize my own faith and help me keep my own standards.  In short, I LOVE LIVING!!!  Even if it's scary sometimes :D

Woot.  I swear one of these days I'm gonna scare you all off with how longwinded I am, but whatever.  Deal with it.  Buahahahaha!!!!  Much love!

Daaaaaaaa DAAAAaaaaa DAAAAAAAAAAAaaa DADA (dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum)..........

So I would like to just take a second to talk about my rotten luck today.  Well, not necessarily today, but right now.  So in my astronomy class my teacher mentioned how we have our projects due in a couple weeks.  One of the girls in my class wanted to do them together, which I was more than happy to agree to.  So we decided last second that we would come tonight to use the telescope.

Unfortunately, the telescope and observation deck are only open from 8-10 tonight, and my last class ended at 4:30.  So I sat around for 3 1/2 hours, getting some things accomplished and watching Dr. Who (hahaha).  I was feeling pretty good until I got here and she wasn't here.  I'm a little worried that she won't make it because her facebook status says that she just got sick to her stomach, again, about an hour ago.  This is NOT a good sign.  And it's not like there's any way she can really let me know since we don't have each other's phone numbers or anything.

And if she doesn't show up, then I'm gonna be way too chicken to go do them by myself, and this will have all been just a fun little chill on campus......right.

AND to top it all off, my computer's about to die.  So even if she were to facebook me to let me know she isn't going to make it, I probably won't know until I'm home anyways because my computer will be DEAD. 

LAME

.......so needless to say, I hope she makes it :D

Love, Love Changes Everything

WARNING:  This post contains annoying discussions about things that bug the crap out of me, so if you don't want to be annoyed, don't read it.  You've been warned.  :D

I just have to express my.....current frustration with some people.  Some people are so over worried about things that I personally don't think matter very much.  It's upsetting.  I mean, I hate getting into discussions that are controversial and are going to make people upset, but I'm seriously just sick of sitting around and listening to people say things that I think are so misguided.  

Some people wonder, for instance, why people are so worried about things like language when there are other things like death and torture going on in the world.  Now Mark, chill.  I want to give you my opinion on this and I know you're the one that's gonna get all uppity about the next couple paragraphs :P.  I'm worried about language because language expresses how we feel.  If I swear, that means that I don't respect who I'm talking to/about.  It means that I'm trying to hurt them.  I feel like a lot of problems are started by people who can't control their language.  Also, many people are worried about those other things just as much, but what are they going to do about it?  We have what we have and nothing is going to change that.  We do what we can, but we shouldn't let other things bother us unduly.  

Yes, people are concerned about animals dying and being tortured, and while I am as well, I don't feel like that is such a pressing issue as people make it out to be (sorry).  I honestly feel that the biggest problem is the attitude that people have when they do things like that.  There are people who torture animals because they think it's fun.  That's wrong, I agree.  Those people should be smacked upside the head.  However, all death causes pain, and while I may be disgusted by the way animals are treated in slaughter houses and such, I'm not going to stop eating them.  Protein is important, and without killing animals to eat, the human race wouldn't be here.  Sorry, but it's the truth.  We're not rabbits, so......

People are concerned that we're not doing our part.  Grow up.  Just because we don't flaunt the things we do, doesn't mean we don't care.  We don't always have to stand up and fight for peace.  Sometimes living peacefully is enough.  Sometimes quietly helping without condemning people is the best thing we can do.  I know that I'm being a little hypocritical right now because I'm sitting here ranting, but I'm sorry.  Get over it :P.  

There are things that need our support, and while they may not be perfect, they are still good.  Like the government.  In reality, in truth, we're not going to change the government to the way we want it to run.  Along the lines of Winston Churchhill, democracy SUCKS but it's the best we have.  I personally think that our government would be better with a parliament and universal healthcare, but I still support the government that we have right now.  Even if prop. 8 hadn't passed, I would still support the government.  Until the government goes completely corrupt and takes away the freedoms that I feel are owed to us as citizens, I'm going to support it, no matter how much I might disagree with it.  People who call themselves patriotic and then rebel against the government, misinterpret things, and try to persuade others to rebel with them-those people are NOT Americans!  Sure, there are times when petitions and demonstrations are necessary and good, but I think people get carried away.

The job of the government isn't to please YOU.  The job of the government is to protect the rights of as many of its citizens as it can at one time.  It's impossible to please people who want completely opposite things.  Somebody's going to be upset everytime the government does something, and everybody's going to be upset by the government at some time or another, some more than others.  

Alright, now I know this is annoying and exactly what I said I hate, but I couldn't help it.  I have so many things that I want to say to people, but I don't want to argue.  I want to get my feelings across in a good way, but I'm too impatient to do that sometimes.  That is obviously something I need to work on, but in the meantime, you get this :P.  

The moral of my story is that people do care.  People as a whole will generally tend to make righteous decisions, and when I say righteous I'm not trying to push religion or anything.  I just mean good, healthy decisions.  Well, I guess I am trying to push religion a little, but whatever..... :P.  Haha.  We can only be happy if we want to be.  If we try to take on the burdens of the entire world, we aren't going to be able to help anybody.  We have to help ourselves first, and then help others by means that are possible for us while still maintaining our own happiness.  Once I'm happy, it's easier to help others.  I'm not going to go out of my way to do service when I'm angry at the world, or when I'm sick or unhappy.  Sorry, I know this isn't how it should be, but it's how it is.  I do service and help others when I am happy and my life is in order.  Also, we can't take all the problems of the world on ourselves because that will just make us depressed and make us pity those who are less fortunate than us.  I think one of the most offensive things people can give is pity.  People don't need our pity.  They don't want our pity.  Sometimes people want our silent help.  If we make a big deal of their problems, it is quite possible that more damage is being done than help.  People are proud, and our pity is annoying.

Alright, I'll stop now, for your sakes.  Rant done.  End.  :D 

So You Say You Want A Revolution

So I've been having dreams lately that I wouldn't quite classify as nightmares, but to me they're just as bad.  I've never really had many dreams.  I usually have them when I'm sick or really busy or something, but only really ever at home.  Maybe that's why I'm having weird dreams now....because I'm NOT living at home.  Hmmmm....

My whole life all my dreams have been like, well, video games or movies.  I dream about what I watched on tv that day, or I have strange dreams where I have to stay out of the line of sight of the purple gorillas or I'll get smacked with their clubs.  Whatever.  They've never really been anything all that cool or unusual.  I've had the purple gorilla dream more than once, and there's only ever been one other dream that I've had twice.  That one's my favorite to think about.  Heehee.

This dream was the most unusual because, like I said, I had it more than once.  The unusual part, though, was that the second time I knew what was going to happen.  I kept saying, I've had this dream before, but for some reason it was all still real.  I had to STOP what was happening.  If it's a dream, why should I care.  I distinctly remember knowing it was a dream.  It was a funny dream.  The Joker from Batman, old school Batman of course (the new one wasn't out then :D), was disguised as a girl for some reason, and going out with my brother.  The second time, I KNEW it was the Joker and I tried to tell him, but he just wouldn't listen.  He was under some kind of influence, because he was being a total jerk, which is very unlike him in any situation.  Well, I can't say if the dream ever really ended, but the last thing I remember both times was the Joker's head in the clouds above me yelling at me and telling me to stop trying to ruin all his plans, blah, blah, blah.  I'm sure the dream was a little scarier when I was younger, but everytime I remember it I can't help but laughing.

My dreams the past few months, though, have been very strange.  Especially the last couple weeks.  They're not nightmares by any stretch.  I've only ever had one nightmare that I can remember, and that one was when I was on Tylenol.  Apparently I'm allergic and it makes me hallucinate.  Fun!  Hahaha.....

Anyways, the dreams have been a little disconcerting and comforting at the same time.  They're not random, they're about things that I've been talking to people about or thinking about a lot lately, but I don't like seeing them visualized.  It's one thing to think about something and another thing to experience it.  Again.  I'm good with not having these things EVER happen in real life.  I'm not one for all the phsyciological crap, but apparently something's worrying me.  The fact that these dreams have just been lately makes me think it's my moving to Provo.

Not that there's anything wrong with moving out.  I'm not all homesick and whiney, well, maybe a little, but I really just don't like being in Provo.  Nothing wrong with BYU, just Provo.  The people are just....very different.  I have a personality that does NOT fit with BYU.  While BYU may be the better school for the things I want to do, I don't think that I can ever stay here.  I'm switching to the U next semester, much to my relief, and I'm really glad.  I've met people who go to the U, and it's a lot more laid back than it is here in Happy Valley.  Especially compared to where I live.  The people at the Branbury, while nice, definitely have a little issue with pride.  Not like I'm the most humble person in the world, but seriously!  These people are just kind of condescending sometimes.  Again, I admit, I'm also condescending, but I like to think that I'm not this bad.  I just feel downright uncomfortable around a lot of the people here.  Some people I've met are amazing, and I've become friends with them really quickly.  The thing that makes me laugh is that I have found out, in most cases, that those people are also desperate to get out of here.  I'm glad I'm not the only one like me.  

I'm so excited to move back this summer.  I'm going to get a job, which will be new for me, but hopefully good.  Also, Clayton (my dance studio) is doing a show this October that I will hopefully get to be in.  I would probably cry if I wasn't.  I'm so excited about that because I've been looking forward to doing Synergy (the college age group) since last September.  I would have to wait an entire year still, but now I have something to look forward to in less than half of one.  It's a comforting thought.  

Well, I guess all in all, I'm a little perturbed by my dreams, but hopefully once everything is back to the way I feel it should be, they won't bother me as much anymore.  I hope that once I'm out of Provo the dreams will stop.  It's all fine and dandy to have a bad dream, but now I'm thinking about them all day and that's not distracting AT ALL........

I'm over it!  :D

You can't fly if you don't JUMP

Holy crap!  After posting this I realized how OBSCENELY LONG it is!  Gosh!  Seriously, I won't feel bad if no one reads it.  I'm sure you all have things to do.  I wrote this whole thing for my own benefit, so really, don't feel bad.  It's really, really, really long.  Good grief......

I've been having this really annoying feeling of panic lately, and I'm not sure how to make it go away.  It's a funny feeling for me.  I've never felt overworried or stressed about anything that I can remember.  Things don't bug me very much, and if they do, not for very long.  Like tests.  I don't usually worry about tests until the day before or the day of.  I figure, what's the point of worrying myself all the time about them and just making myself tired and anxious?  Why worry about things I can't change.  I'd rather worry about things I can change and then do something about it.  Then I can stop worrying about THAT.  :D  If that wasn't confusing enough.....hahaha.

I decided, however, that this feeling of panic is NOT stress.  It's more like anxiety.  I know we all live for a pretty decent amount of time, but there's so many things to do during that time.  There's a million things I want to do that I probably won't be able to once I'm married, A) because we won't have the money; B) because we won't have the time and won't be able to take work off; and C) because I might have kids.  Don't get me wrong, I definitely want to get married and have kids.  Hence the feeling of panic.  How am I going to get all of these things done that I want to do before I get married and start having a life?  I wanna be selfish for a while.  I understand that I'll be able to do some of these things later in life when my kids are grown up and have moved out and all that jazz, but I feel like I won't be able to do all of them in time.  Or maybe I won't be able to because I'll be an old cripple with memory loss, hahaha.

There's also things that I want to do that I would HAVE to do before getting married.  I want to spend a semester working at Disneyland or Disneyworld as an entertainer.  I want to live in a foreign country for a while.  I want to backpack across Europe and listen to the throat singing monks in Tibet :D  I want to get my skydiving license, and I'm not sure if I feel right about skydiving when I have young kids.  I still haven't decided that because while it's not a huge risk, it's still a risk.  I don't want to be overlystupid.  Plus, it'll make our insurance cost more.

When I was car shopping with my dad a couple years ago, we met this guy named John Johnson (Poor guy, I know) at Wendy's.  My dad knew him from work somehow, I'm not sure.  They never worked together, but they knew each other well enough that we all sat down and talked while we ate.  That guy was really amazing.  He had been an EMT and a teacher, he was a licensed scuba diver and all kinds of other crazy things.  I want to be like that.  I don't necessarily want to be an EMT and work in an ambulance my whole life, but I'd love knowing that I could save someone's life if I was in that situation.  I would love doing that for a while.  Not forever, but a while.  I want to be versatile and be able to have fun.

My dad always jokes around with us (his kids) about taking over his position in his business when he's done.  I actually wouldn't mind doing that, but by no means would I want that to be the only thing I did.  Maybe I could be like this John Johnson character and just work as a financial planner part time.  Be a fun enough person that a few really big clients would just seek me out and want me as their planner because I'm successful AND ridiculously cool.  (Hahaha, I'm saying most of this for fun, but seriously :P)

I want to take classes in genetics and learn how to make a glow in the dark fish that I could keep in a tank :D  It's possible, I checked.  There're fish that have a glowy gene that are too big or expensive or whatever to put in a normal tank, but if I could extract the gene and put it into something else, like a shark fish or an electric fish (those would probably be easier since they already have a glowy stripe), then maybe I could have a glow in the dark fish!  Hahaha

I want to learn how to shoot a gun and get a permit to carry one.  Not that I ever would, but I'd like knowing that I could if I wanted to.  And be able to hit what I'm aiming for.

I always joke around how I want to be a ninja, and while I'm totally teasing, I want to learn (or at least attempt to learn) some form of martial arts.  Enough that I could fully kick someone's butt if I needed to and I didn't happen to be carrying my gun :P

I want to get a license to scuba dive, despite the fact that I'm scared of water.  Part of this is because I want to get over being scared of water, but another part is because while I'm terrified of being eaten, I've always been fascinated by underwater creatures.  They're just so darn cool.

I want to get a license to skydive, and be able to take other people with me.  I figure that I could get a lot of my friends, who are too scared to go right now, to go if I was jumping tandem with them.  There's something to be said for safety when they know me and they know that I wouldn't put my own life in reckless danger.  If they were strapped onto me, then I would die when they did.  I'd be their garuantee.  :D  And I think it'd be hilarious to watch all of my friend's terrified faces.  Muahaha

I want to be in a movie or a tv series.  Not a big part, although that would obviously be the most fun.  I just want to be able to sit on my couch and point to the tv and say, HEY, THAT'S ME!!  It doesn't even have to be a show that anybody watches.  In fact, I'd prefer being on something like Stargate or Dr. Who.  One of those nerdy shows that I'm obsessed with and can quote and no one else knows what I'm talking about.  Hahaha

I want to record a song.  I don't care if I'm the one singing the main part or if I'm the backup singer to someone else.  I just want to be in a recording studio with the earphones and the mic with the little filter screen in front of it.  That's be awesome.  I really want it to be a song that's played during the credits of a movie.  Don't particularly care about the movie either, but preferably one that people I know could actually see.  So....pixar it is?  Haha

I want to be able to speak multiple languages.  I want to learn more languages than I'm sure my brain can possibly hold, but that's not gonna stop me from trying :P  I think it'd just be practical to learn Spanish, German, Chinese, and maybe French (blah), but I'd also like to learn Japanese, maybe Zulu, Klingon, just to uphold my nerd image and not lose myself (hahaha.....), and a million others.  I want to learn Italian because of music.  There are so many cool things about the english language that come from Italian.  I want to learn Hebrew so I can read the scriptures without them being translated.  I think that'd just be plain cool.  Heck, I just wanna be Daniel Jackson.  He knew, what, like 26 languages?  AND he got to go through the Stargate.  Plus, he was always the one the freaky aliens picked on.  Did anybody else ever notice that?  I thought it was funny.  Anyways.....

I want to write a song.  I think it'd be cool if I recorded the song that I wrote and it was in a movie.  That'd just kill flocks of birds with one stone.  Hahaha

I want to be in a disney movie.  Call me cheesy, but whatever.  I really want to be the voice of an animated character, so if I was the voice of a disney movie character, that'd be just fine with me.  As long as the movie was any good.

I want to befriend someone who's accomplished a lot in their life and hardly anyone knows about it.  Like some old person that doesn't have any family or anyone to be around.  Then I could feel like I did something good, while making an amazing new friend.  I love learning things about people that not a lot of people know.  It tells so much about a person.  The things they do without telling anyone.  

I really, really, really want to be in a show on Broadway.  Not one that's already famous like Wicked or Hairspray.  The problem with those, while they're amazing and I love them, is that people have the soundtracks memorized.  Thus, I would either have to sing it exactly like the original cast recording, or people would look at me and be like, HEY!  That's wrong!  She's singing it wrong!  Why didn't anyone tell her??  That would just be a major bummer, because everyone would always be comparing me to that soundtrack and I'd never be recognized for myself.  I want to be in a show that does reasonably well, but that not a lot of people have heard of or seen.  Preferably something that hasn't been made into a movie yet.  Speaking of which, do you think they're gonna make a movie for Wicked?  I'm surprised they haven't yet.  Maybe they're waiting for it's popularity on Broadway to die down a little bit more.  Heck, for all I know they could already be making a movie of it and I just don't know about it.

Now do you understand my problem and panic a little bit more?  I mean, if you bothered reading all the way down to here?  Hahaha.  I want to do these things, but where am I gonna find the time?  Where am I gonna find the money?  If I do get married before doing all these, where am I gonna find a guy who will do the rest of them with me?  Seriously, this is a dilemma.  (I always thought dilemma was spelled dilemnia.  Is that a word too?  That's always bothered me a lot).  There are other things that I can do while I have a husband and kids.  Some of those things above I can still do with a family, but with most of them, I'd prefer not to.  I don't want to be a mom who's never home and always has to find a babysitter for my kids.  I want to be a stay at home mom.  I have always wanted to write a book, and I still do.  I could definitely do that with a family.  All I need for that is a computer.  Heck, if I was really desperate I wouldn't even need that, although I think I'd kill myself if I had to write the entire thing out by hand......ehh......  I mean, this is something I could do at midnight, in my pajamas.  I could do it while my kids are asleep.  There's not a schedule.  I love things like this because there's no time limit, but for the other things, there is.  It would probably be weird to have a 60 year old woman entertaining onstage at Disney, ya?  And I probably won't be able to sing nearly as well when I'm older.  It would be weird to have someone in a Broadway show who has to walk around with a cane.  I mean, there're exceptions, but still.  You see my problem?  It's ridden with panic!

I've also always thought about going on a mission.  I don't feel like that's something I should do now, when I'm 21, but I definitely want to go sometime in my life.  Luckily, couple missionaries don't go on missions until all their kids are grown and they're retired, or at least close.  

I know a lot, in fact, possibly all of these things are on my list of 100 things I want to do, but here you just get to here some of them in a little more detail.  Also, I know that this whole thing sounds totally corny and impossible, but I really think that I could do every single one of these if I tried hard enough.  The only problem is getting myself to try hard enough.  It will take a LOT of time to learn so many languages, and a lot of these things would require moving away from home for different amounts of time.  Plus, they would all cost a motherload!  But I still feel like I could do them.  I really do.  And I really want to.  I don't wanna be a sheep!

Oh goody, there's a million kids walking past me in a much too small hallway.  I hate that.  They all smell nasty.  I like kids, but not flocks of them that I don't know.  They're all trying to impress each other and be dorks.  Bleh.  I mean, I like the little kids at Clayton.  But there's always those few who you just wanna.......I could never teach elementary school students.  I'd have to be one of those dorky high school teachers.  I would be tons of fun though, don't you doubt it.  Can anyone say frooties??  Heck yes, guess what!?!?  They TOTALLY sell frooties at Maceys!  Who knew?  I've only ever found them at this party store in Lehi and online.  I was pretty sure those were the only places they sold them.  Maybe the popularity of them won out and now they're selling them in more places?  That would just make me so freaking happy.  I hope it's the same at the Maceys back in Murray.  I hope this isn't just a Provo thing.  Otherwise I'm gonna have to stock up major time.