Aint Goin' Down

Life rocks right now. I love life. Even when I don't particularly like it, I love it. I just got back from my performing tour to the Philippines and I met the most amazing people in the entire world. I plan on writing a more indepth blog about that with some choice pictures, but for now I'll just say that if I hadn't gotten sick I would have loved to stay there for so so much longer. The people there were so friendly and happy with their lives that it made me grateful to be alive. As I got off the plane in America I immediately saw the difference between there and here. I've never really noticed but the people in America are so suspicious and cautious about everything. We've become uncomfortable with being friendly and I'm no longer okay with that.

I've gotten back my passion in life. Not that I had been particularly depressed, but I was going through a slump where I didn't really know what to do with myself. I feel as though I've finally gotten back out of that. Being in a foreign country made me feel my familiar but long-forgotten need to communicate. I wanted to cry because I didn't know the language. I wanted to be able to blend into the culture and share with these beautiful, beautiful people in their own tongue. It's a strange feeling that I can only describe again as a need. Not a desire to communicate, but a need.

As I've been back in America for a couple days I realize how much I've been out of touch with myself, with my responsibility and my enthusiasm. I'm gonna fix that right now. I have given myself a huge opportunity in my life for the next year and I'm going to run with it. Run as fast and far as I can.

I got the promotion I hoped for at work and I'm grateful. I started training today and it wasn't nearly as terrifying as I thought it was going to be. I was afraid that there would be more resentment towards me, but I have to say that I respect some people I work with so much more after today. There was someone else who I know applied for the position as well and I feel like she really deserves it as much as I do. Where she lacks in leadership skills, I lack in knowledge and experience. I think that's what got me the position. Experience is something easier to acquire. I really respect her for the way she acted today. I was told that I got the position right before my shift started. So were those who did not get the position. And they still had to work as servers while they watched me being trained. I have to imagine that would be terribly depressing. I would have been dissappointed enough to have wanted to go home. I wouldn't want to have to spend the next 4 hours trying to please people who are sometimes very impatient and ungrateful. I expected a bit more animosity, but I apparently was not giving this girl enough credit. I admire her for the way she reacted. With was happened, I know I would have been a bit bitter and would not have been able to recover as she did. As I watched her today I realized that's something I need to work on in the future. It left a big impression on me.

I'm very happy to have gotten the position. Especially now that Synergy is almost over and I will no longer have rehearsals, I was hoping to be able to get more hours again. I imagine that I will be scheduled a lot more often again, particularly because I now will be scheduled as a server AND a house manager. I'm quite excited and I appreciate having gotten the position. It makes me a lot more confident for future jobs and a lot more confident in my own skills. I was particularly nervous during the interview and I know it showed, but it's a comfort to know that despite that I was still hired. So at least my interview skills aren't particularly detrimental, haha. But knowing that I can progress like this is comforting knowing that I want so much from life. I just have to go out and get it.

Perhaps the most impactful words on my life recently have been these:

"The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson