Holy crap! After posting this I realized how OBSCENELY LONG it is! Gosh! Seriously, I won't feel bad if no one reads it. I'm sure you all have things to do. I wrote this whole thing for my own benefit, so really, don't feel bad. It's really, really, really long. Good grief......
I decided, however, that this feeling of panic is NOT stress. It's more like anxiety. I know we all live for a pretty decent amount of time, but there's so many things to do during that time. There's a million things I want to do that I probably won't be able to once I'm married, A) because we won't have the money; B) because we won't have the time and won't be able to take work off; and C) because I might have kids. Don't get me wrong, I definitely want to get married and have kids. Hence the feeling of panic. How am I going to get all of these things done that I want to do before I get married and start having a life? I wanna be selfish for a while. I understand that I'll be able to do some of these things later in life when my kids are grown up and have moved out and all that jazz, but I feel like I won't be able to do all of them in time. Or maybe I won't be able to because I'll be an old cripple with memory loss, hahaha.
There's also things that I want to do that I would HAVE to do before getting married. I want to spend a semester working at Disneyland or Disneyworld as an entertainer. I want to live in a foreign country for a while. I want to backpack across Europe and listen to the throat singing monks in Tibet :D I want to get my skydiving license, and I'm not sure if I feel right about skydiving when I have young kids. I still haven't decided that because while it's not a huge risk, it's still a risk. I don't want to be overlystupid. Plus, it'll make our insurance cost more.
When I was car shopping with my dad a couple years ago, we met this guy named John Johnson (Poor guy, I know) at Wendy's. My dad knew him from work somehow, I'm not sure. They never worked together, but they knew each other well enough that we all sat down and talked while we ate. That guy was really amazing. He had been an EMT and a teacher, he was a licensed scuba diver and all kinds of other crazy things. I want to be like that. I don't necessarily want to be an EMT and work in an ambulance my whole life, but I'd love knowing that I could save someone's life if I was in that situation. I would love doing that for a while. Not forever, but a while. I want to be versatile and be able to have fun.
My dad always jokes around with us (his kids) about taking over his position in his business when he's done. I actually wouldn't mind doing that, but by no means would I want that to be the only thing I did. Maybe I could be like this John Johnson character and just work as a financial planner part time. Be a fun enough person that a few really big clients would just seek me out and want me as their planner because I'm successful AND ridiculously cool. (Hahaha, I'm saying most of this for fun, but seriously :P)
I want to take classes in genetics and learn how to make a glow in the dark fish that I could keep in a tank :D It's possible, I checked. There're fish that have a glowy gene that are too big or expensive or whatever to put in a normal tank, but if I could extract the gene and put it into something else, like a shark fish or an electric fish (those would probably be easier since they already have a glowy stripe), then maybe I could have a glow in the dark fish! Hahaha
I want to learn how to shoot a gun and get a permit to carry one. Not that I ever would, but I'd like knowing that I could if I wanted to. And be able to hit what I'm aiming for.
I always joke around how I want to be a ninja, and while I'm totally teasing, I want to learn (or at least attempt to learn) some form of martial arts. Enough that I could fully kick someone's butt if I needed to and I didn't happen to be carrying my gun :P
I want to get a license to scuba dive, despite the fact that I'm scared of water. Part of this is because I want to get over being scared of water, but another part is because while I'm terrified of being eaten, I've always been fascinated by underwater creatures. They're just so darn cool.
I want to get a license to skydive, and be able to take other people with me. I figure that I could get a lot of my friends, who are too scared to go right now, to go if I was jumping tandem with them. There's something to be said for safety when they know me and they know that I wouldn't put my own life in reckless danger. If they were strapped onto me, then I would die when they did. I'd be their garuantee. :D And I think it'd be hilarious to watch all of my friend's terrified faces. Muahaha
I want to be in a movie or a tv series. Not a big part, although that would obviously be the most fun. I just want to be able to sit on my couch and point to the tv and say, HEY, THAT'S ME!! It doesn't even have to be a show that anybody watches. In fact, I'd prefer being on something like Stargate or Dr. Who. One of those nerdy shows that I'm obsessed with and can quote and no one else knows what I'm talking about. Hahaha
I want to record a song. I don't care if I'm the one singing the main part or if I'm the backup singer to someone else. I just want to be in a recording studio with the earphones and the mic with the little filter screen in front of it. That's be awesome. I really want it to be a song that's played during the credits of a movie. Don't particularly care about the movie either, but preferably one that people I know could actually see. So....pixar it is? Haha
I want to be able to speak multiple languages. I want to learn more languages than I'm sure my brain can possibly hold, but that's not gonna stop me from trying :P I think it'd just be practical to learn Spanish, German, Chinese, and maybe French (blah), but I'd also like to learn Japanese, maybe Zulu, Klingon, just to uphold my nerd image and not lose myself (hahaha.....), and a million others. I want to learn Italian because of music. There are so many cool things about the english language that come from Italian. I want to learn Hebrew so I can read the scriptures without them being translated. I think that'd just be plain cool. Heck, I just wanna be Daniel Jackson. He knew, what, like 26 languages? AND he got to go through the Stargate. Plus, he was always the one the freaky aliens picked on. Did anybody else ever notice that? I thought it was funny. Anyways.....
I want to write a song. I think it'd be cool if I recorded the song that I wrote and it was in a movie. That'd just kill flocks of birds with one stone. Hahaha
I want to be in a disney movie. Call me cheesy, but whatever. I really want to be the voice of an animated character, so if I was the voice of a disney movie character, that'd be just fine with me. As long as the movie was any good.
I want to befriend someone who's accomplished a lot in their life and hardly anyone knows about it. Like some old person that doesn't have any family or anyone to be around. Then I could feel like I did something good, while making an amazing new friend. I love learning things about people that not a lot of people know. It tells so much about a person. The things they do without telling anyone.
I really, really, really want to be in a show on Broadway. Not one that's already famous like Wicked or Hairspray. The problem with those, while they're amazing and I love them, is that people have the soundtracks memorized. Thus, I would either have to sing it exactly like the original cast recording, or people would look at me and be like, HEY! That's wrong! She's singing it wrong! Why didn't anyone tell her?? That would just be a major bummer, because everyone would always be comparing me to that soundtrack and I'd never be recognized for myself. I want to be in a show that does reasonably well, but that not a lot of people have heard of or seen. Preferably something that hasn't been made into a movie yet. Speaking of which, do you think they're gonna make a movie for Wicked? I'm surprised they haven't yet. Maybe they're waiting for it's popularity on Broadway to die down a little bit more. Heck, for all I know they could already be making a movie of it and I just don't know about it.
Now do you understand my problem and panic a little bit more? I mean, if you bothered reading all the way down to here? Hahaha. I want to do these things, but where am I gonna find the time? Where am I gonna find the money? If I do get married before doing all these, where am I gonna find a guy who will do the rest of them with me? Seriously, this is a dilemma. (I always thought dilemma was spelled dilemnia. Is that a word too? That's always bothered me a lot). There are other things that I can do while I have a husband and kids. Some of those things above I can still do with a family, but with most of them, I'd prefer not to. I don't want to be a mom who's never home and always has to find a babysitter for my kids. I want to be a stay at home mom. I have always wanted to write a book, and I still do. I could definitely do that with a family. All I need for that is a computer. Heck, if I was really desperate I wouldn't even need that, although I think I'd kill myself if I had to write the entire thing out by hand......ehh...... I mean, this is something I could do at midnight, in my pajamas. I could do it while my kids are asleep. There's not a schedule. I love things like this because there's no time limit, but for the other things, there is. It would probably be weird to have a 60 year old woman entertaining onstage at Disney, ya? And I probably won't be able to sing nearly as well when I'm older. It would be weird to have someone in a Broadway show who has to walk around with a cane. I mean, there're exceptions, but still. You see my problem? It's ridden with panic!
I've also always thought about going on a mission. I don't feel like that's something I should do now, when I'm 21, but I definitely want to go sometime in my life. Luckily, couple missionaries don't go on missions until all their kids are grown and they're retired, or at least close.
I know a lot, in fact, possibly all of these things are on my list of 100 things I want to do, but here you just get to here some of them in a little more detail. Also, I know that this whole thing sounds totally corny and impossible, but I really think that I could do every single one of these if I tried hard enough. The only problem is getting myself to try hard enough. It will take a LOT of time to learn so many languages, and a lot of these things would require moving away from home for different amounts of time. Plus, they would all cost a motherload! But I still feel like I could do them. I really do. And I really want to. I don't wanna be a sheep!
Oh goody, there's a million kids walking past me in a much too small hallway. I hate that. They all smell nasty. I like kids, but not flocks of them that I don't know. They're all trying to impress each other and be dorks. Bleh. I mean, I like the little kids at Clayton. But there's always those few who you just wanna.......I could never teach elementary school students. I'd have to be one of those dorky high school teachers. I would be tons of fun though, don't you doubt it. Can anyone say frooties?? Heck yes, guess what!?!? They TOTALLY sell frooties at Maceys! Who knew? I've only ever found them at this party store in Lehi and online. I was pretty sure those were the only places they sold them. Maybe the popularity of them won out and now they're selling them in more places? That would just make me so freaking happy. I hope it's the same at the Maceys back in Murray. I hope this isn't just a Provo thing. Otherwise I'm gonna have to stock up major time.
5 comments:
I wish I did, but there's no way I have time to read all that!! :) Maybe I'll find time later and get all caught up. But until then, here's a comment anyway!! :)
Honestly, I skimmed this...because it's long and the colors make my eyes hurt. So you're anxious, huh? You've been hanging out around Mark too much. :) Seriously, your list of life goals is incredibly long and more than one human can possibly accomplish in one lifetime. My recommendation...choose the top 10 you wish to accomplish most. Choose simple, more achievable ones, as well as incredible ones (because, let's face it, sometimes you need incredible). That way you're more likely to make those really satisfying check marks on your list and feel more worthwhile. I made a list once. I've accomplished about 4 of them. Take it easy. If you're really restless or anxious right now, choose one specific one and work on it. One at a time.
I don't want to pick just 10. I'm GOING to do them all. It's just a matter of when and organizing myself and all that jazz. And the panicky feeling's gone now. I feel much better for some reason.....
We've got the equipment for you to record a song if you'd like to use it...
Ya, that would be helpful, but I wanna do it full out. Like, recording studio with the windows to the room with the guy that has the huge sound booth and is working the music and stuff. It's more of an experience thing than an accomplishment thing on that one. You know? Although the accomplishment part is very important too :D
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