Why Do I Sing?....Why Do You Breathe?

I know this is my billionth blog today, but I really have nothing better to do.  Hahaha......So yesterday I was driving back to Provo listening to Michael Jackson on my ipod.  Since I haven't been doing Clayton the past few months, I haven't been singing and dancing hardly at all.  I had forgotten a little how much I love it!  I've started taking voice lessons with a professor at BYU (Sorry Kim!  I'm not a traitor, I promise!) and it has given me a little bit of hope that I'll be able to accomplish all the goals that I set for myself that I have been too embarrassed to share with other people.

I love to sing, and I really want to do something amazing with that.  I've been wondering recently whether I would love singing as much if I had never joined Clayton.  I guess I'll never know, but I hope that it wouldn't change.  Maybe I'd be a theatre geek or something.....that's probably the most likely.

So as I was driving in my car I had this big burst of ambition, and I want to hold onto that.  I could really go far if I put all my effort into it.  I've never really put that much effort into anything (I'm not trying to sound snotty or anything).....I'm kind of lazy by default, which has created problems......but then again I'm never really stressed.  Hahaha.....  Someone told me recently that I was one of the hardest workers that they know, and that really surprised me.  It made me want to do better.  If they thought that I was working hard and was growing and developing, imagine how much more I would get out of everything if I put all of my effort into it?  I felt a little guilty when I heard this, as well as a little happy.  If I start putting all my effort into everything, start reading my scriptures more often, start saying my prayers consistently, and do my best rather than just doing what's expected, how much happier will I be?

So I've kind of strayed from the main topic, but it's all connected for me.  I've just realized recently that if I were to sing like I could, by getting out of my comfort zone and by practicing and implementing everything that I'm taught, I think that I could really improve to the point that I want to.  I would like that.  Not that I'd be amazing or anything, but I want to be as good as I can be, and I know that I'm not right now.  I'm not working hard enough to be.  

Someone once said that having potential basically means, you suck right now, but you could be good if you tried.  So whenever I think that I have potential, it's always kind of a negative thing for me, but that's how I feel right now.  I'm not adequate in my own mind because I'm not trying, even though I know I have potential.  Why have something if I'm not gonna do anything with it?  

So this applies to a lot of things, not just singing for me.  Things like school as well.  I settle for mediocre grades or I just memorize things by rote other than actually understanding them.  If I were to put all my effort into learning, how much better would I do?  How much more would I know right now?  A LOT!!  

I remember a talk I heard at EFY about fulfilling the measure of our creation.  That's actually where I first heard the idea of making a list of 100 things I want to do in my life, and I even stole a couple of things from his list and added them to mine (They're still things that I erally want to do though).  I CAN accomplish all of the things on that list, but I'm going to have to put a lot of effort into it for years and years to come.  I have to fulfill the measure of my creation.