Life in Technicolor

I have always associated things with colors, but surprisingly enough to me, those color associations are changing. It's kind of weirding me out. It makes me feel like my personality is changing. I mean, I like who I am, but it's weird to think of something like that. Like someone's tastes changing as they get older, liking spicy food as a young adult but starting to hate it at age 43. Like being obsessed with a certain song and one day realizing that song drives you slightly mad. Like starting to realize that you actually loathe someone you thought you loved or love someone you thought you loathed. Perspectives change and I'm fully aware of this, but it's freaky when it actually starts to happen.

The most interesting thing is that I hate the color red, but many of the most important things in my life are associated with that color (And the color brown. I hate brown). Why is that I wonder? Ah well. Most things that I want to do, like writing a book, I associate with the colors green and blue. My favorite colors. Does this mean that I'm getting tired of my life as it is, or just that I'm getting comfortable with it? It's a little upsetting.

I've been trying to move myself towards better colors as time progresses, but thinking like that just makes me feel like a new-age hippy. Ah well. Rock on Dudes! :P

Don't Quit! Not Quite!

So I can't decide if I take things too seriously or if I don't take things seriously enough. I think my problem is both. I only go to extremes.

Things I take too seriously:

-Clayton

Not that I see this as bad or anything. My experiences with Clayton have totally been worth the work I put into them. In fact, I would have missed many opportunities had I not taken it as seriously as I do. However, because of how much I care, when things go poorly or not quite as I expect I get much more upset than I feel I should. Of course, no one but my mom hears me get upset, haha, but it does happen on rare occasions.

-Work

This is a totally acceptable thing. I just put it here because I feel like I have no life outside of work. It's all I have to talk about and that fact annoys me. I enjoy working where I do.

-Relationships

I've never been in one. This is because I feel like I can't get into a casual or fun relationship with someone I'm not serious about. And I'm not serious about anybody. In fact, I have a hard time going past the 2nd date. Ouch. I've had opportunities that I told myself to take a chance on, but I've only ended up offending people and feeling guilty. I've never felt lovesick in the traditional sense. I've felt sick thinking about love, but in a bad way. I care too much about the other person (not feelings for them, but a courteous caring, like a friend) and it terrifies me when they care at all. I've never been a romantic person, but I never realized how true that was until a couple weeks ago. I need a relationship with a friend. Someone who I can have a casual and fun relationship with without feeling too serious about it. If that makes sense....But I take relationships MUCH too seriously. The end. Bleh.

-Caring about people understanding what I'm saying

This problem mostly surfaces when I'm talking to my sister and my mom. My sister has a hard time hearing the correct meaning behind what people say (sorry Ash :P) and tends to think quite the opposite. After I figured that out it's actually been quite entertaining, though sometimes I can't figure out how to make her understand what I actually mean. Frustrating, but I feel the communication failure is on my end at least half of the time at this point. My mother on the other hand is getting worse by the day. She's always been very opinionated with quite a lot to say, but she forgets to wait her turn. We all interrupt people and we're all interrupted by people. Big deal. Well it IS a big deal when the interrupting leads to anger and arguing. The problem with talking to my mom is that I'll start a sentence which, taken out of context, sounds really bad. I start my sentence and she interrupts halfway through without hearing the rest of what I say, which is essential to understanding the meaning. Especially if I'm being sarcastic or cracking a joke. For instance, I never do my dishes. I leave them sitting around everywhere. This drives her nuts and I know it, so I've been working on it. But bad habits aren't fixed overnight. This doesn't stop her from getting increasingly frustrated, which I understand. Anyways, she'll tell me to clean up, which I already did but she didn't see. So I say as much. 'No, I uhmmm......' Then she interrupts before I can say 'I actually already finished them.' Nope, none of this. It turns into 'Did you just say NO? I do your dishes all the time and you said NO this ONE time I blah di blah di blah.' Sure, that's totally justified if I HAD actually said NO. Grrr..... this is just an example, but you can understand my frustration, riiiight? That's an instance that I feel totally justified getting angry about, but this happens with most anything I say and honestly I need to stop letting it bother me so much. I take it much too seriously.

-Spiders

Who doesn't? However, I feel like they stalk me or I create them from my imagination. This is a topic for a different post though. I have much to say on the matter.

Things I don't take seriously enough:

-Everything else

I'm cool........

My biggest problem is that there is no middle ground. I'm like an OCD person that has to have everything perfect in one room, but the next room can be a total pig-sty and it doesn't bother me at all. My brain is mysterious.

Send Me A Song

I went to see Pirates of Penzance today at Hale Center Theatre. It was amazing. I love that musical so much, but seeing it done live was fantastic. The music was/is incredible and I love the lyrics! I mean, I've seen Pirates done multiple times, and even did a snippet of it in 9th grade for choir, but actually seeing the whole thing done WELL just made my day.

Music is ridiculous. In a good way. Sometimes it makes me need to scream I'm so excited. I'm weird, sure, but don't tell me that you've never felt incredible listening to a certain song. Super motivated, super excited, super HUMAN.

Music rocks. It'll change your life.