I enjoy Linguistics. I think I would like to stay along those lines, but I don't know what to do about the computer science part. I want a job like that in the future. I want to be on the computer. But I don't know if I want to be programming on the computer. I loved it all last semester, and I still do, but I think I might just be settling. There are so many things that I would like to do and I'm not doing any of them because I feel so overwhelmed. I'm taking a summer semester with one computer programming class, a calculus class, and a physics class. I did this so I can apply to enter the major at the end of the summer and continue taking classes in the fall. But do I really want that? What I really want is to be able to put it all on hold for a year, to be able to decide, but if I wait then I won't be able to take the classes with my brother. A major plus to taking classes in the fall would be that my brother would be in the same classes and I'd have someone to help me out. Buuuuuut am I making that more important than what I really want? I'm SO FRUSTRATED!
I know I shouldn't make decisions like this because of other people. It's like choosing to go to a certain college. You shouldn't go because that's where your friends are going, you should go because that's where you'll be in the best program with the best scholarship. Am I taking computer science right now because my brother's doing it? Should I really take a year off despite the fact that I'll then be behind my brother? I can't decide yet if I'm making the decision to go to school in the fall based on that or not.
Most of the most important things in my life (that sounded strange, haha) have all happened by 'chance.' We're not gonna discuss the whole 'chance' thing, just accept it as is because it's not the focus right now. :D What I mean is that all the things I have defined myself by over the years have all been things that chanced upon me.
I started Clayton because a friend wanted me to and I had no opinion or ambition. 12 years later and I'm still in it, going strong. Some of my best friends are there and I will never forget the things I've learned from it. It's been one of my strongest testimony builders.
I went to RYLA because a friend's mom suggested that I might be interested and they hadn't had enough applicants. As I went back to RYLA that first year, and then for two more consecutive years, I realized how impossible it was that I was invited to RYLA in the first place. RYLA is a leadership training camp run by the Rotary club, which is a major service organization. I hadn't been all that big into community service, mostly just because I'm lazy. I had never heard of the organization and when I first got the call I thought it had to do with cars. I went because I was intrigued, and because of that 3 day weekend I ended up returning two more times, joining the Interact Club in my high school, and becoming the President my senior year. It's been kind of a big deal for me.
I've made so many decisions in my life 'just because.' I haven't really had good reasons for most of the things I do. It's not that I'm indecisive, it's more that I just don't care. When I sit down and think about what I REALLY, REALLY want, the things that come to mind are writing and traveling. I honestly feel that I have the potential to write something really great, but I know that like with everything else it will take time and hard work. I should take classes and prepare myself. I just feel like that's something I shouldn't do. I don't know.... If I took the year off I would like to take that time to write. I want to write music, but I don't think I'd be that great at the actual music part. I'd love to write lyrics though. I love to sing. I love it so much I want to scream whenever I think about it. Alright...that just made me sound like a weirdo, but you probably understand what I mean! Hopefully. Anyways, when I think about doing that I feel so happy. The more I think about it, the more I feel like it'd be a good thing. But then I talk myself out of it. I tell myself I should have a backup plan. I should do something more profitable, more productive. Hardly any writers actually become successful. I'm too lazy. I just shouldn't. Whatever.
I think I should consider this as an option more than I have been. A lot of the reason that I don't want to stop taking classes for a year is because that would kind of make me feel like a failure, but where I am now I'm going down the road of FAIL much faster than ever before. I'm scared for the rest of this semester. I just want it to stop. Right now. RAAAAAWR!!!
Okay, so that's my rant for now. It was long. Now it's over. Hope you enjoyed? Ha....
