Whatever I Fear

So as I'm sitting here watching my brother play Tales of Symphonia, I'm realizing just how sad my life is. Haha. I've been applying for jobs (not super zealously, I'll admit) with no luck, but it's an ongoing process. I've been meaning to go apply at Jimmy John's since they're hiring, so maybe I'll do that tomorrow. Does anyone have any brilliant ideas of where I could work? And while we're at it, does anyone have any brilliant ideas of where my brother could work? He's been looking for a job for the past couple months and it's much harder for him than it is for me, mostly because he's having to look for a professional job while I'm able to work at fast food places and such. He applied at a company in Boston and for a while I suffered from the fear that he would actually get that one and move out of the state. Bad news for him but good news for me, they didn't want him. Phew!!

Monday is my birthday and today was the day we celebrated as a family. I admit I had a lot of fun, although I always lose when we play a family game (this time being no exception). I will admit to having some serious brother envy though. I'm so used to him being here all the time that it's weird when he's gone every night with his girlfriend. Sigh, guess I'll just have to make some other friends (Yay Celeste!!). I'm excited for my birthday this year, which is strange. It's not like anything all that exciting is happening since I'm just turning nineteen, but for some reason I've been looking forward to it for weeks. Maybe it's because I have nothing else to do that I'm so excited about this. Who knows? Haha :P

I've been trying to be a good girl the past few days and actually get up at a decent time (decent meaning before 12:00). Except for Tuesday, I've actually done pretty well this week. This morning I even got up at 6:00!! That's a big deal for me! Of course I HAD to get up because I had rehearsal, but that's besides the point. It's so much easier to motivate myself to get out of bed when I actually have something worthwhile to do during the day.

Rehearsals have been fun and have given me something to do lately, thank heavens. The rehearsals are for the play Beauty and the Beast at Murray Community Arts in the Park. We start performances next Wednesday and I'm pretty excited about it, not gonna lie. We've all been worried about the run since it's been raining pretty much constantly for the last two weeks, but our director told us that if worst comes to worst we'll just trot on over to Murray High with some set pieces and make do. That's better than cancelling and that's all I was really worried about. The show is pretty stress free for me right now. It's funny because I auditioned for this play on a whim at the last minute and now it's turned into one of the funnest things I've ever done. Ok, maybe not EVER, but it's definitely up there. I'm just really glad that I did it and really greatful that I got in. I've made so many great friends and it's helped me on my quest to be able to do things on my own!!

I have a huge problem with going places without someone else with me. Kind of like how girls can't go to the bathroom without a buddy, I feel like I can't go anywhere without one. I'm always worried about not knowing what to do and just standing around like a tardo or getting lost, but recently I've been forcing myself to do things alone and it's fortunately been turning out very well. It almost makes me wish I'd started doing it before, haha, but not quite. I know this is a silly thing to be so glad about, but I've always felt uncomfortable. It's a nice feeling to start getting over something that's been a problem for years.

Ok, well enough rambling. I'll finish here and leave it for a while again. I'm planning on cutting my hair pretty short after the play is over, and possibly adding some highlights and streaks just for kicks and giggles. I've never done anything with my hair and I figure it'll be fun to try it just once. Plus, my hair grows fast enough that if it looks horrible I won't have to worry about it for long! So anyways, I'll let you know how that turns out!

Open Book

So to steal this idea from Celeste, this is my Wordle. It's not nearly as cool as hers, but it's still interesting to see. The idea is that it takes the words you use more often and makes them bigger, so apparently I talked a lot about concerts NOW!! Hahaha. I'll make sure that the next time I post a blog, it'll have a little more variety. :P

Blimey!

So in the spirit of my last post (Which I made about 5 minutes ago....) I would just like to mention my undying, totally teenage-girl LOVE for The Dr.  - What I wouldn't GIVE to be Rose Tyler!!  Sigh.....  I found out that they actually sell life size cardboard cut-outs of the Tardis.  I most definitely want one right now!  I was giggling like a silly little girl for about 20 minutes after I found out.  Oh man.  Talk about truly genius cinema.  The british know what's going on.

So you really must forgive my complete obsession with Dr. Who. I've never heard this song before, but after a short search around Youtube (which is the bomb.com), I found it and I've gotta say that it makes me just plain giddy. Boo-friggin-YA!

Don't Hassle the Hoff

This has been my favorite music video for a LONG time.  I've never quite been able to decide what my favorite part is.  Is it the dancing disco bear?  The fish in mouth?  The temper tantrum in the air or the flying motorcycle?  The bouncing alien?  The slightly pedofilic insinuations with little girl angels?  The clone Hoff that flies behind himself and grabs his own butt?  Ya, I think it's that one.  I hope you all enjoy this as much as I always have.  I think I'm in love.  Bahahaha!!!

Tornado Lessons

School is over next week!  Just one hectic week of driving between Murray and Provo, rehearsals, moving all my stuff home, cleaning the apartment, and taking finals!  Then I'm free!!  Ah, it's such a wonderful....hopeful feeling.  :D

I woke up this morning feeling mildly anxious.  I procrastinate, a lot, and so right now my brain's a little like, holy crap, I have to finish everything real quick!  Whoops!  Hahaha, it's a problem sometimes.  So ya, the problem this morning was when I woke up thinking about the two tests I have to take this weekend, along with the fact that I have to attend two concerts this week for my music 101 class (week meaning before monday), one piano recital/performance for my piano class (not sure when this has to be done), and one show with tapping in it for, surprise, my tap class.  I was worried because I had no idea where I was gonna find two concerts this weekend, but to my relief during my break between classes I realized that I had been looking at the wrong date on the byu performances calendar.  Instead of there being absolutely no performances tomorrow, there are a million!  I was apparently looking at last week.  So moral of the story is that now I have two performances I can go to tomorrow.  Now I just need to find some tap and piano performance.  Any ideas?  Haha

But ya, finding those two concerts really took off a lot of pressure and annoyance from my brain. :P  I was kicking myself for saving them all for this weekend.  In my defense, I already did six of the concerts.  I actually had time to do all of them a long, long time ago, but hey, what am I gonna do about it now?  Exactly.  

Another thing that happened today, which was amazing, was the answer to an unspoken prayer.  :D  I had been hoping for something, but afraid to outright pray for it because it seemed stupid and all that jazz, but it totally worked out anyways!  I love it when that happens.  It makes me so grateful.  

So now the only thing I really have to worry about at the moment is driving back to Provo tomorrow.  I mean, driving here isn't the problem.  The problem is rationalizing having to make the extra trip to my parents.  Maybe we'll just keep this one a secret (shhh!).  I'm going back to Murray tonight, after I babysit my cousins, because I have rehearsal tomorrow morning.  Then I need to be in Provo for the concerts (at 2 and 7) and to take my two tests.  I guess it kind of works out well.  I was wondering how I was going to fit these tests in without coming back on Saturday, and now I don't really have a choice.  I bought a ticket to the concert at 7 tomorrow, so now I don't really have a choice of whether or not I should go.  I paid, so I'll be there.  Plus, it's kind of my last chance to go to a concert before the assignment's due....haha.

So basically, this is my unnecessary information from today that I felt the strange urge to share with ya'll.  Aren't you feeling pretty darn special right about now?  Good.  You should.  You should all also go check out Adam's website.  He's been posting little comics every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  Some are really funny, some are a little goofy, and some are just plain weird.  But hey, that's Adam, so what do you really expect?  It's worth it though, you should go look. 

Go Button Animation

And ya, everybody wish me luck on my tests, and with getting myself out of bed on time tomorrow morning.  Also, if anyone happens to randomly know of any piano recitals or concerts in the next few days, by all means let me know.  Or any showings of like, Thoroughly Modern Millie or Singin' In The Rain or something.  I doubt it, but I figured I'd check. 

Have a great weekend everyone!  :D

Short Trip Home

So I'm kind of sort of stealing Stacey's idea of having a song of the moment, but this is rather a song of the last million moments, if that makes any sense.  I've heard this song a lot lately and it's been stuck in my head.  I just think that it has some very interesting lyrics.  It's kind of cool to just listen to the lyrics rather than the song.  Anyways, I put it up here for your entertainment.  :D  I don't know how to add a song to my blog, otherwise I'd put it up for you to hear it too.  

The Story Of The Grandson Of Jesus

Today is a good day to flex the muscles of the weary.

A miracle's a miracle even when it's ordinary.

We will walk on the water even though it seems scary

If someone will show us the way.

I shook hands with the man who honestly thinks he's

The grandson of Jesus with a penchant for pinchies.

He served us communion of cola and twinkies

Guess everyone has their own view.

He stood on his soapbox and told us a parable

Of a man with eye-glasses so small they're unwearable,

And the moral of the story is that all looks terrible

Depending on what you look through, what you look through.

He said, "Do unto yourself as you do unto your neighbor.

It's not an eye for an eye, it's a favor for a favor.

And it's okay if this world had a billion saviors

Cause there's so many things to be saved."

Take my words with a boulder of salt

Or blame it on your devil, always the scape-goat's fault.

We all point fingers when it comes to a halt.

Will somebody show show us the way?

Show us the way......

http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#cloud%20cult/9

A Miracle's a Miracle Even When It's Ordinary

So you know how you often have those random periods of enlightenment in your life where you find out that you really don't know anything?  Maybe that's just me, but I've definitely been having one for a while now.  It's so weird.  I'm not saying that I know a lot, but I got to a point where I couldn't reasonably accept the fact that the human brain could hold so much information consciously at one time.  That sounds really weird, but hopefully I'll be able to make a little more sense.

I always feel like when I learn something new, I forget something else.  Like I can only hold so much information before my brain starts recycling.  Like I know all I can know at this moment. I know thatmight sound completely retarded, but what are you gonna do, right?  Haha.

It's just funny to see how much my perspectives on so many things have been changed since I moved out and started going to college.  I mean, I go home ALL the time, so it's not like a huge change or anything, but still, I've been somewhere that's not Murray or Clayton for the last 8 months.  It's interesting to see what things are different.  What things matter to people that I never thought about before.  Things that I accepted as normal, but really were only normal where I had grown up.  

I expect a cultural leap when I go to a different state or country, but it's just so strange to me to have one just 40 minutes from my home.  There's people here at BYU from so many different states and cultures, and it's amazing to see them all come together and be a part of it in my own unusual way.  If I try to look past the creepy things I dislike about Provo, it's actually pretty amazing.  (This is for all the people I made feel nervous about coming to BYU :P)  BYU is the 2nd most desired school to get into in the whole US.  People try so hard and put so much effort into getting accepted.  They work to get scholarships and move so far away from home, just for this opportunity.  And here I am wanting more than anything to get out.  It makes me feel a little strange.  

I feel a little ungrateful.  I'm very grateful for the scholarship that I got, and for the opportunity to come to BYU, but the fact that I didn't really work that hard for it makes me feel weird.  I mean, I didn't work any harder than usual, so maybe I'm just used to it, but I don't know.

One of my new favorite quotes is one that I pass every time I come back to Provo from Murray.  It's flashed up along with a few others on the sign at Thanksgiving Pointe.  It says, "Only a mediocre person is always at his best."  The first few times I read it I didn't really think about it, but one time as I was driving past it, it just made sense.  I had been sitting there thinking about how I feel like such a slacker because I feel like I haven't had to work for many of the opportunities that I've been given in my life, and because of that, I always feel so guilty and unworthy when I don't do perfectly.  

There are so many of these things, like being in Synergy, getting to go to RYLA, getting into BYU with a scholarship, etc.  I feel like I'm an ungrateful person for not being at my best.  That quote made me feel so much better because it just reminded me of the fact that everything is a process, and only a mediocre person is at their best.  If I was perfect, what fun would there be?  There'd be no more to learn, there'd be nothing to work for, and nothing to overcome.

My brother was talking about how he liked pain.  I joked and called him a freaky masochist, but I knew what he meant.  He didn't mean that he enjoyed being hurt, what he meant was that he enjoyed being able to overcome something like that.  Being able to trip and fall on your face and stand up with a black eye and just laugh it off.  To prove that you're more powerful than the physical.  I like that so much.  We can overcome something so simple.

I know I may not be making sense or connecting in the way I mean to, but as I always say, I'm writing this mostly for my own benefit, and if someone else gets something out of it, GREAT!!  :D  If not, whatever, just don't hate me because it's long, hahaha.

But anyways, these two things go together so well for me right now.  I have to overcome my insecurities about not being perfect, and stop second guessing myself.  Yesterday in church there were two things that really stood out to me.  One was when the bishop was answering questions (Not to copy you or anything Stace, I promise it's something different!), and I can't remember the exact question he was answering, but he was talking about how impossible perfection is.  I admit, I was only half listening because I'm a dork, but some part of me picked up the parts I needed to hear.  It's okay to be imperfect, as long as we're trying our hardest.  The other thing was one of the girls who was bearing her testimony (I think it was Jae Dansie) and she mentioned that she had faith in the little things, like praying to find your keys, but had a harder time when it came to the bigger things.  

I don't have that exact problem, but it seemed somewhat similar to me still.  I've had a lot of time to think in my car (the best place because no one's there to distract me!!) and I've been thinking about faith.  I have faith, I've always had faith, but my biggest problem is that while I have undoubting faith in God, I doubt people, mostly myself.  Kind of like how people can have the faith TO heal, but the people also need the faith to BE healed.  I don't doubt when I hear or see miracles, like a story my uncle told before he died about a dream he had.  I won't share that, because I don't know if it's too personal to my family, but it's one of the big faith things that I have never doubted.  But there are things like being healed, or receiving answers to prayers, where I just don't have enough faith in myself.  It's like I'm saying to myself, why should I deserve this?  Why would God help me with this when he doesn't have to?  I mean, I know the answers, I've been taught them my entire life, but for some reason I'm just having trouble with it.  And it's like, I can prayer for faith that my prayers are answered, and I receive that with the little things, like I pray to be able to help someone, and I do.  Or I pray to know what to do, and I know.  But there are some things that I think, I can't pray about this until I'm more worthy of God's help.  I hate thinking that way, because how do I become worthy of his help without his help?  It's a stupid paradox that I've set up in my brain and can't seem to get rid of.

That's why I've been so grateful to be able to come back to Murray and be with my friends who are so faithful in that way in particular.  I hear stories from them that I'm sure they don't realize I think about so much, but they help me in such unexpected ways.  Like I told Stacey with the movies and how desensitized I had become.  She off-handedly mentioned something about how uncomfortable a particular scene had made her and I had to seriously think for a long time about what scene she had possibly been talking about.  When I finally realized which one she meant, I felt a little guilty, haha.  I had thought it was pretty tame, but I was COMPARING it to other movies.  Bad idea.  If I rationalize which movies I watch by comparing them to each other, what good is that going to do me since ALL of the movies are getting worse?  I need to pick a line that doesn't move even if the rating system does.

It's little things like that which make me really realize the things I need to be focusing on and the things that will help me.  Thanks friends :D  Haha, you're the best.  

Another one of my favorites is when Jon was saying the prayer before a performance for Synergy and he said, instead of the all too common "please bless us to perform to the best of our abilities," he snuck in "please bless us to perform to the best of thy ability."  I wasn't sure if  I had heard correctly or if he had done it on purpose until I asked him later (yes to both), but it struck me really hard all of a sudden at that performance.  Tying in the rest of my rant, I'm not using my own ability for anything, I'm using God's ability.  Or rather, he's letting me.  It's through him and the spirit that I have a brain in the first place (yes, I'm pretty sure it's there) and can hold so much more information than I can possibly fathom right now.  It's because of him that I can have the opportunity to work my way through my own problems, and even if I feel unworthy or lacking even if I'm working hard, it just means that I'm progressing.  It's through him that I have great friends that can help me realize my own faith and help me keep my own standards.  In short, I LOVE LIVING!!!  Even if it's scary sometimes :D

Woot.  I swear one of these days I'm gonna scare you all off with how longwinded I am, but whatever.  Deal with it.  Buahahahaha!!!!  Much love!

Daaaaaaaa DAAAAaaaaa DAAAAAAAAAAAaaa DADA (dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum)..........

So I would like to just take a second to talk about my rotten luck today.  Well, not necessarily today, but right now.  So in my astronomy class my teacher mentioned how we have our projects due in a couple weeks.  One of the girls in my class wanted to do them together, which I was more than happy to agree to.  So we decided last second that we would come tonight to use the telescope.

Unfortunately, the telescope and observation deck are only open from 8-10 tonight, and my last class ended at 4:30.  So I sat around for 3 1/2 hours, getting some things accomplished and watching Dr. Who (hahaha).  I was feeling pretty good until I got here and she wasn't here.  I'm a little worried that she won't make it because her facebook status says that she just got sick to her stomach, again, about an hour ago.  This is NOT a good sign.  And it's not like there's any way she can really let me know since we don't have each other's phone numbers or anything.

And if she doesn't show up, then I'm gonna be way too chicken to go do them by myself, and this will have all been just a fun little chill on campus......right.

AND to top it all off, my computer's about to die.  So even if she were to facebook me to let me know she isn't going to make it, I probably won't know until I'm home anyways because my computer will be DEAD. 

LAME

.......so needless to say, I hope she makes it :D

Love, Love Changes Everything

WARNING:  This post contains annoying discussions about things that bug the crap out of me, so if you don't want to be annoyed, don't read it.  You've been warned.  :D

I just have to express my.....current frustration with some people.  Some people are so over worried about things that I personally don't think matter very much.  It's upsetting.  I mean, I hate getting into discussions that are controversial and are going to make people upset, but I'm seriously just sick of sitting around and listening to people say things that I think are so misguided.  

Some people wonder, for instance, why people are so worried about things like language when there are other things like death and torture going on in the world.  Now Mark, chill.  I want to give you my opinion on this and I know you're the one that's gonna get all uppity about the next couple paragraphs :P.  I'm worried about language because language expresses how we feel.  If I swear, that means that I don't respect who I'm talking to/about.  It means that I'm trying to hurt them.  I feel like a lot of problems are started by people who can't control their language.  Also, many people are worried about those other things just as much, but what are they going to do about it?  We have what we have and nothing is going to change that.  We do what we can, but we shouldn't let other things bother us unduly.  

Yes, people are concerned about animals dying and being tortured, and while I am as well, I don't feel like that is such a pressing issue as people make it out to be (sorry).  I honestly feel that the biggest problem is the attitude that people have when they do things like that.  There are people who torture animals because they think it's fun.  That's wrong, I agree.  Those people should be smacked upside the head.  However, all death causes pain, and while I may be disgusted by the way animals are treated in slaughter houses and such, I'm not going to stop eating them.  Protein is important, and without killing animals to eat, the human race wouldn't be here.  Sorry, but it's the truth.  We're not rabbits, so......

People are concerned that we're not doing our part.  Grow up.  Just because we don't flaunt the things we do, doesn't mean we don't care.  We don't always have to stand up and fight for peace.  Sometimes living peacefully is enough.  Sometimes quietly helping without condemning people is the best thing we can do.  I know that I'm being a little hypocritical right now because I'm sitting here ranting, but I'm sorry.  Get over it :P.  

There are things that need our support, and while they may not be perfect, they are still good.  Like the government.  In reality, in truth, we're not going to change the government to the way we want it to run.  Along the lines of Winston Churchhill, democracy SUCKS but it's the best we have.  I personally think that our government would be better with a parliament and universal healthcare, but I still support the government that we have right now.  Even if prop. 8 hadn't passed, I would still support the government.  Until the government goes completely corrupt and takes away the freedoms that I feel are owed to us as citizens, I'm going to support it, no matter how much I might disagree with it.  People who call themselves patriotic and then rebel against the government, misinterpret things, and try to persuade others to rebel with them-those people are NOT Americans!  Sure, there are times when petitions and demonstrations are necessary and good, but I think people get carried away.

The job of the government isn't to please YOU.  The job of the government is to protect the rights of as many of its citizens as it can at one time.  It's impossible to please people who want completely opposite things.  Somebody's going to be upset everytime the government does something, and everybody's going to be upset by the government at some time or another, some more than others.  

Alright, now I know this is annoying and exactly what I said I hate, but I couldn't help it.  I have so many things that I want to say to people, but I don't want to argue.  I want to get my feelings across in a good way, but I'm too impatient to do that sometimes.  That is obviously something I need to work on, but in the meantime, you get this :P.  

The moral of my story is that people do care.  People as a whole will generally tend to make righteous decisions, and when I say righteous I'm not trying to push religion or anything.  I just mean good, healthy decisions.  Well, I guess I am trying to push religion a little, but whatever..... :P.  Haha.  We can only be happy if we want to be.  If we try to take on the burdens of the entire world, we aren't going to be able to help anybody.  We have to help ourselves first, and then help others by means that are possible for us while still maintaining our own happiness.  Once I'm happy, it's easier to help others.  I'm not going to go out of my way to do service when I'm angry at the world, or when I'm sick or unhappy.  Sorry, I know this isn't how it should be, but it's how it is.  I do service and help others when I am happy and my life is in order.  Also, we can't take all the problems of the world on ourselves because that will just make us depressed and make us pity those who are less fortunate than us.  I think one of the most offensive things people can give is pity.  People don't need our pity.  They don't want our pity.  Sometimes people want our silent help.  If we make a big deal of their problems, it is quite possible that more damage is being done than help.  People are proud, and our pity is annoying.

Alright, I'll stop now, for your sakes.  Rant done.  End.  :D 

So You Say You Want A Revolution

So I've been having dreams lately that I wouldn't quite classify as nightmares, but to me they're just as bad.  I've never really had many dreams.  I usually have them when I'm sick or really busy or something, but only really ever at home.  Maybe that's why I'm having weird dreams now....because I'm NOT living at home.  Hmmmm....

My whole life all my dreams have been like, well, video games or movies.  I dream about what I watched on tv that day, or I have strange dreams where I have to stay out of the line of sight of the purple gorillas or I'll get smacked with their clubs.  Whatever.  They've never really been anything all that cool or unusual.  I've had the purple gorilla dream more than once, and there's only ever been one other dream that I've had twice.  That one's my favorite to think about.  Heehee.

This dream was the most unusual because, like I said, I had it more than once.  The unusual part, though, was that the second time I knew what was going to happen.  I kept saying, I've had this dream before, but for some reason it was all still real.  I had to STOP what was happening.  If it's a dream, why should I care.  I distinctly remember knowing it was a dream.  It was a funny dream.  The Joker from Batman, old school Batman of course (the new one wasn't out then :D), was disguised as a girl for some reason, and going out with my brother.  The second time, I KNEW it was the Joker and I tried to tell him, but he just wouldn't listen.  He was under some kind of influence, because he was being a total jerk, which is very unlike him in any situation.  Well, I can't say if the dream ever really ended, but the last thing I remember both times was the Joker's head in the clouds above me yelling at me and telling me to stop trying to ruin all his plans, blah, blah, blah.  I'm sure the dream was a little scarier when I was younger, but everytime I remember it I can't help but laughing.

My dreams the past few months, though, have been very strange.  Especially the last couple weeks.  They're not nightmares by any stretch.  I've only ever had one nightmare that I can remember, and that one was when I was on Tylenol.  Apparently I'm allergic and it makes me hallucinate.  Fun!  Hahaha.....

Anyways, the dreams have been a little disconcerting and comforting at the same time.  They're not random, they're about things that I've been talking to people about or thinking about a lot lately, but I don't like seeing them visualized.  It's one thing to think about something and another thing to experience it.  Again.  I'm good with not having these things EVER happen in real life.  I'm not one for all the phsyciological crap, but apparently something's worrying me.  The fact that these dreams have just been lately makes me think it's my moving to Provo.

Not that there's anything wrong with moving out.  I'm not all homesick and whiney, well, maybe a little, but I really just don't like being in Provo.  Nothing wrong with BYU, just Provo.  The people are just....very different.  I have a personality that does NOT fit with BYU.  While BYU may be the better school for the things I want to do, I don't think that I can ever stay here.  I'm switching to the U next semester, much to my relief, and I'm really glad.  I've met people who go to the U, and it's a lot more laid back than it is here in Happy Valley.  Especially compared to where I live.  The people at the Branbury, while nice, definitely have a little issue with pride.  Not like I'm the most humble person in the world, but seriously!  These people are just kind of condescending sometimes.  Again, I admit, I'm also condescending, but I like to think that I'm not this bad.  I just feel downright uncomfortable around a lot of the people here.  Some people I've met are amazing, and I've become friends with them really quickly.  The thing that makes me laugh is that I have found out, in most cases, that those people are also desperate to get out of here.  I'm glad I'm not the only one like me.  

I'm so excited to move back this summer.  I'm going to get a job, which will be new for me, but hopefully good.  Also, Clayton (my dance studio) is doing a show this October that I will hopefully get to be in.  I would probably cry if I wasn't.  I'm so excited about that because I've been looking forward to doing Synergy (the college age group) since last September.  I would have to wait an entire year still, but now I have something to look forward to in less than half of one.  It's a comforting thought.  

Well, I guess all in all, I'm a little perturbed by my dreams, but hopefully once everything is back to the way I feel it should be, they won't bother me as much anymore.  I hope that once I'm out of Provo the dreams will stop.  It's all fine and dandy to have a bad dream, but now I'm thinking about them all day and that's not distracting AT ALL........

I'm over it!  :D

You can't fly if you don't JUMP

Holy crap!  After posting this I realized how OBSCENELY LONG it is!  Gosh!  Seriously, I won't feel bad if no one reads it.  I'm sure you all have things to do.  I wrote this whole thing for my own benefit, so really, don't feel bad.  It's really, really, really long.  Good grief......

I've been having this really annoying feeling of panic lately, and I'm not sure how to make it go away.  It's a funny feeling for me.  I've never felt overworried or stressed about anything that I can remember.  Things don't bug me very much, and if they do, not for very long.  Like tests.  I don't usually worry about tests until the day before or the day of.  I figure, what's the point of worrying myself all the time about them and just making myself tired and anxious?  Why worry about things I can't change.  I'd rather worry about things I can change and then do something about it.  Then I can stop worrying about THAT.  :D  If that wasn't confusing enough.....hahaha.

I decided, however, that this feeling of panic is NOT stress.  It's more like anxiety.  I know we all live for a pretty decent amount of time, but there's so many things to do during that time.  There's a million things I want to do that I probably won't be able to once I'm married, A) because we won't have the money; B) because we won't have the time and won't be able to take work off; and C) because I might have kids.  Don't get me wrong, I definitely want to get married and have kids.  Hence the feeling of panic.  How am I going to get all of these things done that I want to do before I get married and start having a life?  I wanna be selfish for a while.  I understand that I'll be able to do some of these things later in life when my kids are grown up and have moved out and all that jazz, but I feel like I won't be able to do all of them in time.  Or maybe I won't be able to because I'll be an old cripple with memory loss, hahaha.

There's also things that I want to do that I would HAVE to do before getting married.  I want to spend a semester working at Disneyland or Disneyworld as an entertainer.  I want to live in a foreign country for a while.  I want to backpack across Europe and listen to the throat singing monks in Tibet :D  I want to get my skydiving license, and I'm not sure if I feel right about skydiving when I have young kids.  I still haven't decided that because while it's not a huge risk, it's still a risk.  I don't want to be overlystupid.  Plus, it'll make our insurance cost more.

When I was car shopping with my dad a couple years ago, we met this guy named John Johnson (Poor guy, I know) at Wendy's.  My dad knew him from work somehow, I'm not sure.  They never worked together, but they knew each other well enough that we all sat down and talked while we ate.  That guy was really amazing.  He had been an EMT and a teacher, he was a licensed scuba diver and all kinds of other crazy things.  I want to be like that.  I don't necessarily want to be an EMT and work in an ambulance my whole life, but I'd love knowing that I could save someone's life if I was in that situation.  I would love doing that for a while.  Not forever, but a while.  I want to be versatile and be able to have fun.

My dad always jokes around with us (his kids) about taking over his position in his business when he's done.  I actually wouldn't mind doing that, but by no means would I want that to be the only thing I did.  Maybe I could be like this John Johnson character and just work as a financial planner part time.  Be a fun enough person that a few really big clients would just seek me out and want me as their planner because I'm successful AND ridiculously cool.  (Hahaha, I'm saying most of this for fun, but seriously :P)

I want to take classes in genetics and learn how to make a glow in the dark fish that I could keep in a tank :D  It's possible, I checked.  There're fish that have a glowy gene that are too big or expensive or whatever to put in a normal tank, but if I could extract the gene and put it into something else, like a shark fish or an electric fish (those would probably be easier since they already have a glowy stripe), then maybe I could have a glow in the dark fish!  Hahaha

I want to learn how to shoot a gun and get a permit to carry one.  Not that I ever would, but I'd like knowing that I could if I wanted to.  And be able to hit what I'm aiming for.

I always joke around how I want to be a ninja, and while I'm totally teasing, I want to learn (or at least attempt to learn) some form of martial arts.  Enough that I could fully kick someone's butt if I needed to and I didn't happen to be carrying my gun :P

I want to get a license to scuba dive, despite the fact that I'm scared of water.  Part of this is because I want to get over being scared of water, but another part is because while I'm terrified of being eaten, I've always been fascinated by underwater creatures.  They're just so darn cool.

I want to get a license to skydive, and be able to take other people with me.  I figure that I could get a lot of my friends, who are too scared to go right now, to go if I was jumping tandem with them.  There's something to be said for safety when they know me and they know that I wouldn't put my own life in reckless danger.  If they were strapped onto me, then I would die when they did.  I'd be their garuantee.  :D  And I think it'd be hilarious to watch all of my friend's terrified faces.  Muahaha

I want to be in a movie or a tv series.  Not a big part, although that would obviously be the most fun.  I just want to be able to sit on my couch and point to the tv and say, HEY, THAT'S ME!!  It doesn't even have to be a show that anybody watches.  In fact, I'd prefer being on something like Stargate or Dr. Who.  One of those nerdy shows that I'm obsessed with and can quote and no one else knows what I'm talking about.  Hahaha

I want to record a song.  I don't care if I'm the one singing the main part or if I'm the backup singer to someone else.  I just want to be in a recording studio with the earphones and the mic with the little filter screen in front of it.  That's be awesome.  I really want it to be a song that's played during the credits of a movie.  Don't particularly care about the movie either, but preferably one that people I know could actually see.  So....pixar it is?  Haha

I want to be able to speak multiple languages.  I want to learn more languages than I'm sure my brain can possibly hold, but that's not gonna stop me from trying :P  I think it'd just be practical to learn Spanish, German, Chinese, and maybe French (blah), but I'd also like to learn Japanese, maybe Zulu, Klingon, just to uphold my nerd image and not lose myself (hahaha.....), and a million others.  I want to learn Italian because of music.  There are so many cool things about the english language that come from Italian.  I want to learn Hebrew so I can read the scriptures without them being translated.  I think that'd just be plain cool.  Heck, I just wanna be Daniel Jackson.  He knew, what, like 26 languages?  AND he got to go through the Stargate.  Plus, he was always the one the freaky aliens picked on.  Did anybody else ever notice that?  I thought it was funny.  Anyways.....

I want to write a song.  I think it'd be cool if I recorded the song that I wrote and it was in a movie.  That'd just kill flocks of birds with one stone.  Hahaha

I want to be in a disney movie.  Call me cheesy, but whatever.  I really want to be the voice of an animated character, so if I was the voice of a disney movie character, that'd be just fine with me.  As long as the movie was any good.

I want to befriend someone who's accomplished a lot in their life and hardly anyone knows about it.  Like some old person that doesn't have any family or anyone to be around.  Then I could feel like I did something good, while making an amazing new friend.  I love learning things about people that not a lot of people know.  It tells so much about a person.  The things they do without telling anyone.  

I really, really, really want to be in a show on Broadway.  Not one that's already famous like Wicked or Hairspray.  The problem with those, while they're amazing and I love them, is that people have the soundtracks memorized.  Thus, I would either have to sing it exactly like the original cast recording, or people would look at me and be like, HEY!  That's wrong!  She's singing it wrong!  Why didn't anyone tell her??  That would just be a major bummer, because everyone would always be comparing me to that soundtrack and I'd never be recognized for myself.  I want to be in a show that does reasonably well, but that not a lot of people have heard of or seen.  Preferably something that hasn't been made into a movie yet.  Speaking of which, do you think they're gonna make a movie for Wicked?  I'm surprised they haven't yet.  Maybe they're waiting for it's popularity on Broadway to die down a little bit more.  Heck, for all I know they could already be making a movie of it and I just don't know about it.

Now do you understand my problem and panic a little bit more?  I mean, if you bothered reading all the way down to here?  Hahaha.  I want to do these things, but where am I gonna find the time?  Where am I gonna find the money?  If I do get married before doing all these, where am I gonna find a guy who will do the rest of them with me?  Seriously, this is a dilemma.  (I always thought dilemma was spelled dilemnia.  Is that a word too?  That's always bothered me a lot).  There are other things that I can do while I have a husband and kids.  Some of those things above I can still do with a family, but with most of them, I'd prefer not to.  I don't want to be a mom who's never home and always has to find a babysitter for my kids.  I want to be a stay at home mom.  I have always wanted to write a book, and I still do.  I could definitely do that with a family.  All I need for that is a computer.  Heck, if I was really desperate I wouldn't even need that, although I think I'd kill myself if I had to write the entire thing out by hand......ehh......  I mean, this is something I could do at midnight, in my pajamas.  I could do it while my kids are asleep.  There's not a schedule.  I love things like this because there's no time limit, but for the other things, there is.  It would probably be weird to have a 60 year old woman entertaining onstage at Disney, ya?  And I probably won't be able to sing nearly as well when I'm older.  It would be weird to have someone in a Broadway show who has to walk around with a cane.  I mean, there're exceptions, but still.  You see my problem?  It's ridden with panic!

I've also always thought about going on a mission.  I don't feel like that's something I should do now, when I'm 21, but I definitely want to go sometime in my life.  Luckily, couple missionaries don't go on missions until all their kids are grown and they're retired, or at least close.  

I know a lot, in fact, possibly all of these things are on my list of 100 things I want to do, but here you just get to here some of them in a little more detail.  Also, I know that this whole thing sounds totally corny and impossible, but I really think that I could do every single one of these if I tried hard enough.  The only problem is getting myself to try hard enough.  It will take a LOT of time to learn so many languages, and a lot of these things would require moving away from home for different amounts of time.  Plus, they would all cost a motherload!  But I still feel like I could do them.  I really do.  And I really want to.  I don't wanna be a sheep!

Oh goody, there's a million kids walking past me in a much too small hallway.  I hate that.  They all smell nasty.  I like kids, but not flocks of them that I don't know.  They're all trying to impress each other and be dorks.  Bleh.  I mean, I like the little kids at Clayton.  But there's always those few who you just wanna.......I could never teach elementary school students.  I'd have to be one of those dorky high school teachers.  I would be tons of fun though, don't you doubt it.  Can anyone say frooties??  Heck yes, guess what!?!?  They TOTALLY sell frooties at Maceys!  Who knew?  I've only ever found them at this party store in Lehi and online.  I was pretty sure those were the only places they sold them.  Maybe the popularity of them won out and now they're selling them in more places?  That would just make me so freaking happy.  I hope it's the same at the Maceys back in Murray.  I hope this isn't just a Provo thing.  Otherwise I'm gonna have to stock up major time.

In a land called Honalee

So my friend and I have been joking recently about my Halloween costume in first grade.  I dressed up as a dinosaur, and I have to say that the costume was pretty freakin sweet.  It made me upset though, because everyone was under the misconception that I was Puff the Magic Dragon.  Who was this Puff fellow anyways I wondered?  I had never heard of him, and I was really quite annoyed that everyone was mistaking me for him!  I was a DINOSAUR, thank you very much....

Anyways, my friend and I were reminiscing about this just the other day and she laughed because I still had no idea who Puff was.  I thought I did, but apparently I was confused with Pete's Dragon.  So many Dragons, so little time....But I have just been shown the error of my ways.  She showed me the video with the song about Puff the Magic Dragon (Just a song, who knew?  I thought it was a movie or something.)

It's a really melancholy song.  I liked it, but it left me feeling a little lonely.  Here it starts out as this fun upbeat song about imagination and fantasy, but ends up with Puff being left all alone for eternity.  His friend that he had grown up with, who was a human, had died.  Puff was immortal and from then on lived by himself in a cave.  Who writes songs like these?  I don't know why it was so sad to me, but whatever.  Here's the link for it too, so you can all watch it and feel sad like I did.  Hahaha.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wik2uc69WbU

Devil's Dance Floor

So I am most definitely putting off doing my homework right now.  I have nothing particularly interesting to talk about right now, but I just have to share how brilliantly terrible I was at teaching today.  This little mishap took place in my Book of Mormon class at BYU.  In this class, my teacher has each of us teach one lesson, and today was my turn.  Unfortunately.

Anyways, I had read through the material and had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to say, but when it came time to do it, I went INSANE!  Seriously!!  I couldn't remember what the heck I was talking about or what the heck I had planned.  Everything I said was out of order and nothing I said made any sense.  The TA was kind enough to help me out by being my translator.  Haha....

It was one of those situations where I could tell that everyone else in the class (all five of them) felt bad for me and were getting nervous for me as well.  They were all squirming and it kind of made me want to laugh.  I'm more of a people observer, so having to be the one in charge and not being able to allow myself to get distracted by them is very difficult for me.

Actually, that's not the difficult part.  The difficult part is doing that while still trying to make sense.  That's something that I struggle with anyways.  In retrospect, I see now that this is something I need to practice.  Apparently I don't speak in public much.  My bad.

It's ironic that I had such a hard time today.  I've taught classes before, and I've performed in front of thousands of people for years.  It's not like I was nervous.  I just couldn't think of anything good to say, or a good way to say it.  Blah.  It's something that's never happened to me before.  I felt like I was a little kid who just got up to bear my testimony and froze, then had to have my mom run up and whisper in my ear.  The only problem was that there was no one whispering in my ear today.  Just the whisper of nothing being said as we all sat there awkwardly while I tried to figure out what to talk about next.

I laughed about it, and everyone took it well.  It wasn't embarrassing or anything, just a little...disappointing I guess.  I'll get over it soon enough.  This was just an example to me that I need to practice speaking in public a little more often.  I can write a talk and have it make perfect sense.  It can be as long as I want it to and it will still flow well.  Speaking out loud though, I tend to speak more in a stream of consciousness.  I think of things, and start saying them, but then I start thinking about what I should say next and forget what I'm saying now.  It's kind of strange, but I'll work on it.

One day you will all be impressed by my mad improvisational speaking skills.  Less by the skills and more by the consistency.  Or maybe it'll just be me who's impressed, but that's just fine with me.  Any suggestions?

Run Llama, Run!

So I've just decided that I desperately want to 

112)  Pet a zebra

Just thought I'd let ya'll know.

Triangle Man

So I'm sitting around in the Wilkinson Center on BYU's campus, and there's this group of little boys eating next to me.  They keep throwing plastic forks.  It sounds annoying, but it's actually really funny.  Mostly funny because the people in charge of them are getting really super exasperated.  Yay for being immature!  I wanna play too.......

I've had the song Particle Man stuck in my head for a while now.  I find it ironic that it's called Particle Man when Triangle Man hates Particle Man.  They have a fight, Triangle wins.  I feel like Particle Man has been officially jipped!  Universe Man too.  Triangle Man, I mean, really?  Settle down dude.  It's not like you're that cool.  What's your super power?  You're pointy?  Oh boy, I'm terrified.  Particle Man could have all kinds of cool powers, and just think about Universe Man.  He could do anything!  He's like SuperMan!  Stupid Triangle Man.  I've also found a new friend.  His name is Sombrero Man.  You should visit him at GoButtonAnimation.com  He goes by the alias "Capt. Kill," but don't be fooled.  He is most definitely Sombrero Man.

So I thought of a really cool story idea while I was cleaning the bathroom the other day.  Random, I know, but such is my life.  Get over it.  It's pretty exciting, and solves a lot of the issues I was having with coming up with a satisfactory story.  I kinda combined them all and mingled in a few ideas from some of my choice nerdy television shows that I'm addicted to.  You don't get to know what my idea is though, bahahaha!  Suckers.

I had my blood drawn for the first time yesterday.  I was trying so hard to hold my arm still that I think the girl thought I was going into shock or something.  Haha, fooled her.  I was just really focused on not twitching, and I think it was freaking her out that I was watching her draw the blood too.  It was kind of cool, once I got over the initial FREAKING OUT part.  I'm excited though, too, because now I'm going to get to know what my blood type is.  It's something that isn't important for me to know, but I'm really, really curious.  It's like my own true name from Eragon (an amazing book by the way, read it).  Haha, maybe not quite, but same idea for me.

I've decided that I want to be ambidextrous, so I've been practicing the past couple days.  I've also been practicing texting and typing with one hand.  Ya, I usually text with two hands.  Call me a freak if you want.  :(  Haha, it's kind of fun though.  I'm sitting here typing on my computer with my left hand and eating and texting with my right.  It's an adventure, and while I'm sure people think I'm a freak, but I don't particularly care.  I already know I'm a freak and I like it!

So my quote for this blog is:

"It's easier to persuade people to do what's wrong than it is to persuade people who are doing what's wrong to do right."

I liked this because while it's something that we've all been taught most of our lives, it's said very....succinctly.  It IS easy to talk people into doing what's wrong, and it's even easier to let yourself be talked into doing what's wrong.  Then, when you're doing what's wrong, it's even harder to start doing what's right again because you don't want to face the consequences and judgements of others.  It's a scary place to be, and it's also one of the main reasons that I'm trying my best to surround myself with people who will be an example and not try to persuade me into doing what's wrong.  Also, I'm trying to get to know myself and be comfortable enough with myself that even if I have to face those judgements of others, I won't be bothered by them.  I should be more worried about what's right than what other people think is right.  The end.  :D  Yay!

Goals:

110)  Be ambidextrous

111)  Type and text with one hand.  Buahaha!

Why Do I Sing?....Why Do You Breathe?

I know this is my billionth blog today, but I really have nothing better to do.  Hahaha......So yesterday I was driving back to Provo listening to Michael Jackson on my ipod.  Since I haven't been doing Clayton the past few months, I haven't been singing and dancing hardly at all.  I had forgotten a little how much I love it!  I've started taking voice lessons with a professor at BYU (Sorry Kim!  I'm not a traitor, I promise!) and it has given me a little bit of hope that I'll be able to accomplish all the goals that I set for myself that I have been too embarrassed to share with other people.

I love to sing, and I really want to do something amazing with that.  I've been wondering recently whether I would love singing as much if I had never joined Clayton.  I guess I'll never know, but I hope that it wouldn't change.  Maybe I'd be a theatre geek or something.....that's probably the most likely.

So as I was driving in my car I had this big burst of ambition, and I want to hold onto that.  I could really go far if I put all my effort into it.  I've never really put that much effort into anything (I'm not trying to sound snotty or anything).....I'm kind of lazy by default, which has created problems......but then again I'm never really stressed.  Hahaha.....  Someone told me recently that I was one of the hardest workers that they know, and that really surprised me.  It made me want to do better.  If they thought that I was working hard and was growing and developing, imagine how much more I would get out of everything if I put all of my effort into it?  I felt a little guilty when I heard this, as well as a little happy.  If I start putting all my effort into everything, start reading my scriptures more often, start saying my prayers consistently, and do my best rather than just doing what's expected, how much happier will I be?

So I've kind of strayed from the main topic, but it's all connected for me.  I've just realized recently that if I were to sing like I could, by getting out of my comfort zone and by practicing and implementing everything that I'm taught, I think that I could really improve to the point that I want to.  I would like that.  Not that I'd be amazing or anything, but I want to be as good as I can be, and I know that I'm not right now.  I'm not working hard enough to be.  

Someone once said that having potential basically means, you suck right now, but you could be good if you tried.  So whenever I think that I have potential, it's always kind of a negative thing for me, but that's how I feel right now.  I'm not adequate in my own mind because I'm not trying, even though I know I have potential.  Why have something if I'm not gonna do anything with it?  

So this applies to a lot of things, not just singing for me.  Things like school as well.  I settle for mediocre grades or I just memorize things by rote other than actually understanding them.  If I were to put all my effort into learning, how much better would I do?  How much more would I know right now?  A LOT!!  

I remember a talk I heard at EFY about fulfilling the measure of our creation.  That's actually where I first heard the idea of making a list of 100 things I want to do in my life, and I even stole a couple of things from his list and added them to mine (They're still things that I erally want to do though).  I CAN accomplish all of the things on that list, but I'm going to have to put a lot of effort into it for years and years to come.  I have to fulfill the measure of my creation.

Quotes and Goals

One of my favorite quotes is a poem by Marianne Williamson.  It's a poem that has been posted up on the wall of the Clayton studio for years and years, and Kim always read it to inspire us.  I didn't really care until a couple years ago when I actually read it seriously.  Now it's one of my favorite things.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyong measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking 

so that other people won't feel insecure around you. 

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some fo us; it's in everyone,

And as we let our own light shine, 

we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Goals:

105)  Be a friendlier person

106)  Be more of a girl!  :P

107)  Glowstick someones yard in the middle of the night

108)  Design and make my own t-shirt

109)  Learn to play the old school Mario theme song on the piano

I Got Sunshine!

So the past few weeks have been amazing for me, and surprisingly emotional, which is weird......  I've been thinking about how unhappy I am in Provo, and how I don't have many friends out here that I do things with.  Thinking about that, I thought about how I never really did anything with anybody in Murray even when I was there, so why is it so different for me now?  

The past few weekends I've gone home and I've made an effort to do something with as many of my friends as I had time to.  It has been the most amazing experience for me.  I realize now how much I've taken these friends for granted.  Stacey, who inadvertantly teaches me something important every time I'm with her and makes me want to be better;  Natalie, has been one of the only constants in my life and has patiently listened to me whine and ramble more than almost anyone else;  Megan, who has seen me in some of my worst moods and is still my friend :P, and who will do the embarrassing, random, immature things with me without making me feel like a freak;  Britney, who I realize I in fact never knew very well, but who I still consider as one of my best friends because she puts up with my nerdiness without flinching;  Sarah, who even though she is much younger than me has always been an example for me through her smile and her friendliness.  There are a lot of others, but these are the ones that I have been around the most and who make me the happiest to be around.  There are of course my brother and my sister.  Adam became my best friend after he got back from his mission, when I was actually old enough to provide him with semi-interesting conversation :P  He is just as much of a nerd as me, and is the best brother I can imagine.  I don't think I could have a better relationship with him and I'm very grateful for him every day of my life.  I'm going to be sad when either of us gets married and moves out for good.  Hopefully we'll be close our whole lives so that we can get together and be freaks.  Ashley is my big sister, even though sometimes it doesn't feel that way  ;P  I know that I've never treated her how I should, and I always regret that.  One of my biggest hopes is that I'll be able to become greater friends with her and be closer to her in the future.  She influenced me a lot when I was younger, and now it's my turn to do the same.  I hope that she knows how much I love her, even if I act embarrassed or condescending.  That's what sisters are for, right....?

My friends are such great examples of how I should be, and I aspire to be like them more now than ever.  I always kind of depended on myself for everything, but now I realize how important it is to depend on strong friends.  I used to think I knew everything.  Now I know that I'm ridiculous, but it's still shocking to me how backwards everything got after high school.  So many people changed because they no longer had to hold onto the expectations that they had with their friends, who they saw every day.  It's a lot easier to drop the ball when you don't have the expectations of others to live up to and learn from.  Although I'm not saying that we should be influenced by how others think we should be, but I'm meaning that it's a lot easier to do things that would have been unacceptable just a year ago knowing that I won't have to face anyone and feel guilty.  Like watching rated R movies.  That is a big one for me.  Not that I've gone crazy and started watching them, but it would be so easy to rationalize if I did.  I've been having a really hard time not getting caught in that.  In high school, when asked if I would watch a bad movie or if I would be the example and walk out, I would've said, walk out!  Of course!  But now that I'm somewhere where watching rated R movies is a common thing, it's a lot harder to hold to my standards.  I guess that's one of the problems of growing up in such a strongly LDS community.  I've been taking for granted the people around me.

I've recently also been having a problem with what I call "life boredom."  My brother called it the "post-mission depression."  The problem is that I have nothing major to work for right now.  Sure, I'm going to college and I'm working for a degree, and I plan to get married in a few years, but those are both such long term things.  I have nothing immediate to look forward to and to keep me motivated.  I've graduated from high school, I've gotten my license, I've moved out, all that jazz.  I've decided that I should set some short term goals to keep myself busy.  One of those goals is to do more things with my friends.  Like I said before, I never really did things with people during high school (Clayton being the major exception to this whole thing).  I was asked to do things a lot, and I pretty much always said, no thank you :D  People stopped inviting me because they knew I would say no.  Irrationally, this made me kind of sad.  It's what I would have done in their place, and why keep bothering to ask me if they know I'm just gonna struggle to come up with a lame reason why I don't want to?  I realized that I have to start saying YES if I want to stay good friends with people.  Hence the busy weekends I've been having lately.  It's a little belated, but I'm having a lot of fun.  I should try being social more often!  Hahaha

Everybody's talking about their New Year's resolutions lately, and that's something that I've never been into much.  I decided that in place of that I would do the list of things I want to do sometime in my life, and then just start working on that.  That will help with my life boredom too, hopefully :P  It should be fun!  I'm trying to get as many people as I can to make their own, because I think it's more fun to work on them with other people.  Like a couple of my friends have never had an all-nighter!  That's just sad, and I would be more than willing to do something random like go glow-stick someone's yard in the middle of the night and then stay up watching movies and making mutant cookies all night with them!  That would take care of something on both of our lists!  I'm really excited to start working on mine, as weird as that is.  I feel like I'm getting more and more immature as the days go on....it's fun!  ;)

Sad Day

I feel like a little kid whose mom just brought home a new baby.  I feel unloved....:P  Ah well, I'll get over it.  I'm just used to being the baby.  I also just found out that Neil Patrick Harris is gay.  That's a bummer.  I also was informed that he played Doogie Howser, M.D. as a child.  I got on Hulu.com and checked it out, and it turns out that they have every episode online.  It makes me happy :D  They're funny because they're so old school, haha.  I'm enjoying them so far.

Quotes and Goals

Then I'll still fill you with crumpets, madam.

104)  Learn to speak Klingon fluently